The End Is Nigh, Or Is it?

Great show yesterday kid.
A great show which cocked a snoot at convention,drove a coach and horses through laws and regulations and proved beyond all reasonable doubt that all your fantastic tales are Cock and Bull stories.
The heavy machine gun, Snow White and falling into a bath; all figments of an over active imagination.
Cut down on the Cheddar at night kid. Go back to the old,tried and tested, hot water bottle filled with vodka. SMIRNOFF, for a good nights sleep!
Suddenly Tommy my cat ran in wearing a black cassock and a white dog collar and yelled,
"Prepare thee ye sinners, the end is NIGH! Does not the good book state,
'And when that time comes there shall be wars and rumours of wars.'
That refers to the Middle East, which is a tinder box ready to explode.
The bible goes on,
'The dead shall rise from their graves and walk among the living.'
A clear reference to Michael McGimpsey if I ever heard one.
'Strange sights shall be seen in the sky.'
That's Daniel O'Donnell mooning over Ireland.
'False prophets shall appear.'
That's Jordie Tuft to a T.
'When that time comes, woe to she, or HE who has a bun in the oven.
Don't turn back, not even for your coat.
The No Ticket, No Tote policy shall be relaxed.'
Apart from that," said Tommy, "the day will be very warm with spits and spots of fire and brimstone appearing almost everywhere."
I leaped to my feet, threw my Scientology loyalty card into the fire and yelled,
"It was good for my mamma
It was good for my pappa
That old time religion is good enough for ME!"
THEN,all we could do was-wait,and while we were waiting we got on with our lives.
That theory has worked up to now.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it!