Death Warmed up

Great show yesterday kid.
A great show which rewrote the rules for great shows everywhere. Tommy my cat looked at me by focusing his eyes on my person and said,
"May I compliment you on your untiring efforts to make extreme ugliness chic and fashionable."
"Thanks kid," I said,"one day every woman will look like me."
"You look," said Tommy,"like death warmed up. I greatly admire your ambition to make zombieism acceptable to women on a low budget."
I hitched up my shroud and said,
"The essence of a pretty woman is a grey face,grimacing out of a black duffle coat.
Stella McCartney wants to copy my designs. We are hoping to sign up supermodel Kate Moss,if we can get the fag out of her gub."
"Jolly good show!" said Tommy,turning to go.
"OH TOMMY," I cried,"before you go,there is something I wish to bring up with you.
Please refrain from secreting old tuna tins under your mattress."
"OK!" said Tommy."OH, before you go there is something I wish to bring up with YOU."
And the filthy feline vomited profusely over my carpet slippers for four minutes and twenty-nine seconds. Shocked beyond belief I stood in a large lagoon of cat puke,my bedroom slippers full to the gunnels.As the cat made good his escape I roared,
"You dirty rat.You dirty,stinking,rotten-RAT!"
Tommy stuck up two finger behind his back and went on his merry way. Then the postman looked at my carpet slippers and said,
"Are YOU pregnant? That's the worse case of morning sickness I have ever seen!"
And all because the lady likes milk in her tay.