Baby Blues

Great show yesterday kid.
It was dark when Tommy my cat and I staggered home after gawking all day at Prince William and Kate Middleton. We placed our two Union Jacks carefully beside our two tricolours and slumped down on the sofa. Tommy looked at me and said,
"If someone had told me that Prince William and Kate Middleton would be tossing pancakes HERE! in Northern Ireland today I would have said they were drunk, liars or crazy as a loon."
"When Kate Middleton looked straight at me," I gushed, "I felt so servile and common. It was like a fairy tale."
"The Royals are not like the common people," said Tommy."They give off an aura. Dear Kate and Prince William were like two alien creatures surrounded by the dregs of humanity. They gave off an ethereal, airy, spirit-like glow. One can see them drinking ruby red wine from crystal goblets, eating larks' tongues from golden plates and never having to go to the loo."
"No lou for the Royals," I yelled, "and I'll fight any man who says different!"
Tommy slipped into a red, velvet,smoking jacket he had rescued from a bonfire and said,
"I'm worried about Mr Coyle. Did you hear him have a Les Dennis moment on the show yesterday with regard to impersonations?"
I knitted my eyebrows with two chopsticks and said,
"What age is Mr Coyle's youngest child?"
"Oh I don't know," said Tommy. "But I do know she has grown up into a fine young woman. What are you getting at?" asked Tommy.
"BABY BLUES!" I yelled. "Latent, very latent, but Mr Coyle is suffering from delayed baby blues."
"Rubbish!" yelled Tommy..
"Is it?" I yelled."IS IT? Remember old 97 year old Rubin Jones. Lying on his death bed, he was. Suddenly old Rubin was overcome with delayed baby blues for his 74 year old son Jasper. He pulled various tubes from his nose, mouth and you know what, leaped out of bed, down the stairs, out the door and down the street yelling,
"RUSKS! I must have rusks for my wee baby Jasper!"
" Then, RUSKS Mr Coyle shall have,"roared Tommy. "Tomorrow, I,Tommy cat,will send an abundance of RUSKS to Mr Coyle."
"Oh, don't forget the nappies Tommy," I said.
"Nappies?" said Tommy. "But Mr Coyle's daughter is......"
"The nappies are for Mr Coyle," I said. "He IS getting on and there are a lot of electrical cables lying round his feet."
"Does Mr Coyle not have a wee lightning rod?" giggled Tommy.
That's Tommy, always first with the crude, lewd, filthy come back.No more Mrs Brown's Boys for Tommy!
Sometimes I hate Tommy cat.