Ode to the Po

Great show yesterday Kid. In the history of great shows, there are one or two, great shows which stand out.
The man looking for caravan windows.
The petrol can man.
The wood chip wall paper man.
Mr Coyle and bull-gate.
Great shows all. Great shows which will stand the test of time. But yesterday Mr Jordie Tuft gave a talk on chamber pots which had the people of Ulster on the edge of their seats. To hear old Jordie talk about pos was po-etry in motion. Old Jordie's great love for pos was obvious. As he spoke lovingly and romantically about, spraying, dripping, emptying and the liberal use of Jeyes Fluid.
"Old Jordie knows his pos," said Tommy my cat, as he did a Spanish dance on a floor covered with Jacob's cream crackers.
"Jordie is the Maradona of chamber pots," I cried, as I brought down a pedestrian at 1500 yards with my home made ray gun. Ah, I remember my first po. I cut open the box, pulled back the bubble wrap and there it lay. The Lord Nelson deluxe. Maritime scenes abounded and as I looked into the po, the smiling face of a little sailor stared up at me. I searched the bubble wrap frantically, but-alas, no instructions on how to use the po. I was then faced with a dilemma that all proud po owners are faced with. Do you go to the po, or bring the po to you? I tried both methods, making careful notes on spillage, drips and over-flows. At the end of the day, when all was said and done,I decided I would go to the po. This left my hands free, to play a musical instrument or shoo away blue bottles. Like a trumpet player, I soon developed a ring of hard skin on my bottom and now I can sit on a po until the cows come home. Like love, everyone remembers their first po. Over the years I have had more pos than you could shake a stick at. Yet, each night, you will find me on eBay searching, always searching for the Lord Nelson deluxe po and the smiling little sailor. That little mariner knows the contours of my bottom like the back of his hand.
WHERE HAS HE GONE? WHERE HAS THE LITTLE SAILOR-GONE?
(Cue the Coasters)
Well now if I have to swim a river, you know I will
And if I have to climb a mountain, you know I will
And if he's hiding up on, Blueberry hill
I'm gonna find that little sailor, you know I will.
I've been searching, gonna find him
I've been searching, gonna find him
I've been searching, gonna find him.
(Good night, God bless and safe home from Tommy and me.)