Put Tommy Down.

Great show yesterday Kid. It was a well-made, little show and the only great show this year, that had a profile of Emma on the wrapper. I never knew Emma used to be a blacksmith, or used to go rambling for nuts in May. Emma really should go rambling for nuts in October. That's when the nuts ripen. I bit into Tuesday's great show and was surprised and knocked for six, to see "Radio Ulster" written all the way through it. How do they do that? I suppose its some kind of black magic or voodoo that Mickey Bradley picked up, while travelling with the Undertones. I was talking to a Londonderryaire and he said,
"Mickey Bradley goes through a fierce lot of chickens. The slightest little dispute with himBradley he resorts to the dead chicken nailed to your front door and the beat of the drums all night.".
"OH, Mr Bradley, with these dead chooks you are spoiling us!"
After weighing up the pros and cons, I sent the cons back to jail, the pros back to the street, and sent for Tommy my cat.
"Tommy," I said, in broken china. "The books don't add up. We are in deep monetary do-do. We are up a certain creek without a paddle and it grieves me to say it, but Tommy, to save money---I must put you down."
Tommy never shook, shivered, or quivered. He stood toe to toe with me and yelled,
"Too late! I have decided to put you down!"
"Put me down?" I said. "If there's any putting down in this house, then YOU, Tommy cat, will be down, after I get someone to do the putting."
"No, No" yelled Tommy. "Down I shall be putting you. I am not the one that is going down. You are the one that is going down, after I put you down. And down I will put you."
"NIGH! NIGH! NIGH!" screamed Jim Rodgers. "UP DOWN! No one is going down. I have been sent by Belfast council to offer you, BOTH of you, the post of village idiot."
"I accept!" yelled Tommy. "I shall do the night shift."
"And I shall do my idioting by day!" I cried.
The moral is, if you're a right idiot, you never shall be put down. Ask Tubby Nolan, Bobby Davro, Colin Murphy, Gazza, Freddy Starr, George Bush, Mad Frankie Frazier.,Wee, crazy as a loon, Joe Horselips Mc Zimmerframe. NO! Scrub that! Wee Joe was put down and about time too!