Pragmatic to the core.

Great show yesterday Kid. Yesterday being ancient Rome day, Tommy my cat and I listened to the show wearing very short togas. We both had laurel leaves in our hair as we lay beside a portable vomitorium bought from the Argos catalogue. We splashed out and bought the chrome, Super 500A vomitorium, which comes with folding legs and twin plug holes for quicker emptying.
Tommy boaked into the Super 500A and said,
"The ancient Romans must have been veritable newts. When it came to wine they would lash it into you Cynthia."
"The Roman god of wine was called Bacchus," I gasped, as I too spewed into the Super 500A. "He was depicted as bald, fat, nearly naked pouring out a pitcher of wine."
"That description," said Tommy, "could apply to most winos in Belfast."
I concurred and then collapsed.
All afternoon Tommy sat fiddling with his calculator. At seven minutes past five he threw it from him and cried,
"APOCALYPSE-NIGH! According to my calculations, which, by the way, are backed up by the Wall Street Journal and the Economist, American is in debt to the sum of 14 trillion dollars. Next year the debt is expected to rise to a figure greater than the net worth of America, leaving poor old uncle Sam bankrupt!"
"Great balls of flibbertigibbets! " I yelled. "What will happen THEN? Is it the end of conversation as we know IT?"
"Not at all," replied Tommy. "America is in hock to China. The Chinese will simply take over America, Europe and, in time-Northern Ireland."
"GOOD!" I yelled. "Maybe the Chinese will get their finger out and do something about the Maze site AND the John Lewis situation in Lisburn."
Nil desperandum!" yelled Tommy
"On this day I feel the hand of history on my shoulder and I am proud to stand here and say, "I, too, am a Chineser."
Pragmatic is Tommy. Pragmatic to the core!