ENGLAND-NIL

Hey Kid, it is with a sense of felicitous, happy-clapinessess, anticipation bordering on Zen, that Tommy my cat and I look forward to another week of great shows.
What would we do without great shows? Have you ever asked yourself that? What would be do without great shows? Watch the, "Blame Game"? NO! NAY! NEVER! This is Ulster. Not Abu Ghraib or Guantanamo Bay.
Les Dennis asked one hundred people.
"What would you rather do than watch the Blame Game?"
99% said, "Get water boarded."
1% replied, "Don't know!"
And already fingers are being pointed at Edwin Poots!
After England and Algeria played out one of the most boring nil-nil draws in the history of football, Tommy my cat and I sat in a cardboard replica of the tower of London, in stunned disbelief. After a period of silence lasting five hours and four minutes Tommy said,
"What went wrong? That wasn't supposed to happen."
I ran to the door, threw seven and a half snipe eggs in quick succession towards Algeria, turned to a grief-stricken Tommy and said,
"The only thing I can put it down to, is--bad timing. England just happened to be playing football the same night Algeria were."
Tommy said,
"I don't blame, "Our Boys". It was plain, right from the kick-off, that Algeria were doing everything in their power to stop England from scoring."
"Who do Algeria think they are?" I yelled. "Don't they know, they are only there to make up the numbers? How dare they thwart mighty England in their quest for world cup glory?"
Tommy roared,
"If I were the foreign secretary and knew where Algeria was, I would send a gun boat post haste. And if Algeria has no shore line, I would put the gun boat on a low loader and drive it through the jungle."
I leaped to my feet, faced Buckingham Palace, saluted and cried.
"Tommy, you are a true son of John Bull. That was the biggest load of "Bull" I have heard in a long time".
Tommy waved his England scarf in the air and chanted,
"ENGLAND-NIL. ENGLAND-NIL. ENGLAND-NIL. COME ON, ENGLAND-NIL!"
And soon the whole of Belfast joined in, especially those of a Taigish disposition.
"England-nil. England-Nil. Chuckie-ar-la!"
P.S. What is wrong with Wayne Rooney?
The lad looked confused, concerned and-constipated!