Poster for Northern Ireland

Great show yesterday Kid. I see Mr Coyle is still in South Africa coaching the North Korean world cup football team. Failure to qualify could see Kim Jung banish the "Eye Brow" to a no star gulag. Oh the heat is killing me and Tommy my cat. Play something by Snow Patrol to cool us down. As I speak, Tommy is lying in a basin of cold water filled with ice cubes. The feline is naked, except for an Elizabethan mole skin cod piece.
Suddenly there was the clink of ice cubes and Tommy yelled,
"Two pos on the window sill! Two world war one rucksacks hanging from a tree! One chair sitting in the garden and three pair of old grey drawers hanging limply and sullenly from the clothes line! What a poster that would make for the Northern Ireland Tourist Board and the motto could be,
"COME TO ULSTER AND ENJOY A GOOD OLD FASHIONED SLASH!"
"Shut your gub you feline gulpin!" I yelled. "Old Jordie may not be a great Samaritan, but he is a GOOD Samaritan. What other house in Ireland would offer the weary traveller, a seat, a rucksack, the loan of a pair of drawers, good conversation and the choice of TWO pos to pee in?"
"Hairy gooseberries!" yelled Tommy. "If we are to compete with the rest of the world we need to get into the white hot heat of technology. I suggest the Tourist Board should commission a poster, showing a well groomed, competent shopkeeper utilising the top of the range bacon slicer in a corner shop in Clogher."
I couldn't let it lie. I went to the piano, played a few chords and said,
"I want to say a few words in defence of old Jordie.
Does not the big book say.
"Blessed are they who give help to the hefted for they shall be hefted too."
"Bacon slicer!" yelled Tommy
"Pos!" I roared.
"Bacon slicer!" screamed Tommy.
"Pos!" I shrieked.
"NIGH! NIGH! NIGH! NIGH! NIGH!" screamed Jim Rodgers. "Both ideas are good, but not right. I have just came from a meeting of the tourist board. The next Norn Iron Tourist Board poster will depict Tubby Nolan tucking into a big Ulster fry and underneath it will say,
"Come to Northern Ireland where the cholesterol is as high as an elephant's eye."
Jim screamed, "UP GLENTORAN-NIGH!" leaped on his bike and was gone.
"A strange fellow," said Tommy.
"Yes," I said. "but I find myself strangely attracted to him."
I spat on my hands and yelled,
"Pos!"
"Bacon slicer!" roared Tommy.
"Pos!" I shrieked.
"Bacon slicer!" screamed Tommy.
Meanwhile the sun, the cross community sun, shone down on Prod and Taig alike.
Oh, little, petite, dainty, oh so clean Frank Mitchell, is drawing up a list of ten houses with two pos on the window sill!
There's nowt as queer as folk!!!