Should She Stay Or Should She Go?

Great show yesterday Kid. When I heard, "Hit the road Jacques" sung in French, I nudged Tommy my cat with a baguette and cried, "C'est tordant affreux!"
It wasn't really a French baguette, just a pan loaf that Tubby Nolan sat on.
For some reason, maybe it was the reception I was getting on my radio, Mr Coyle came across as almost human! And the girls? Ah, I could smell their perfume. Janet was wearing, Allure and Emma,Hot and Sultry. Mr Coyle reeked of strong, carbolic soap.
And if I'm not mistaken, you were wearing a very expensive cologne called, Yak L'amore Juice, made exclusively by a reclusive family of one-legged, red- haired dwarfs, who reside in a secret valley in Tibet.
I looked at Tommy my cat who was playing, Smoke on the water on his Calliope. Even the dogs in the street know that a Calliope is a keyboard musical instrument similar to an organ, with a set of whistles operated by steam or compressed air.
It doesn't make much sound on its own, but when Tommy plugs his Calliope into a Marshall stack it sure does rock.
I attracted his attention by throwing an Iranian turnip at his head and began a conversation thus,
"Tommy," I began, "where do you stand on the most important question facing the world today. Should Christine Bleakley stay with the BBC or move to ITV?"
Tommy beckoned a wino to him, scratched the wino's head and said,
"Could you not ask me something more difficult such as how to stop the Icelandic volcano or how to plug the massive BP oil spill in the gulf of Mexico?"
"Don't be a precious, precocious little pussy!" I yelled. "What should Christine Bleakley do? Should she stay, or should she GO?"
Tommy picked up the bagpipes, played, tThe Bonny Wee Maid From Fife and replied in the following manner,
"Christine Blakeley," said Tommy, "is like a race horse approaching Beecher's Brook. Whereever she jumps, there could be trouble. Take GMTV first. A very early start. No night life and she may have to talk to Bobby Davro! If Christine stays with the BBC, what vehicle will the BBC come up with, to display her skill and personality? Cook with Christine? Holiday with Christine? Walk the Pennine Way with Christine?. The return of, Blankety-Blank with-Christine? The vehicle a television company puts you in, is of the utmost importance. Just ask the Madleys. Old Judie has only been seen popping out to the off-licence since her show flopped.
As Judie slowly makes her way home carrying two plastic bags she keeps muttering to herself,
"That's the way to do it! That's the way to do it!"
I broke a red Dungannon brick over my head and cried,
"This is serious Tommy! if you were Christine Blakeley what would you DO?"
Tommy made a big pot of Hungarian goulash and said,
"I would stay with the BBC, but hold out for Newsnight, or permanent host of, Have I got news for you."
"What about the, "Blame Game?" I yelled
"OH NO!" cried Tommy. "OH NO! Christine would only get the blame for "THAT" game!"
I concurred, curtsied, cried and collapsed.
And so would you, had you been there!