LOOKING FOR VOTES.

Great shows last week Kid,shows which raised the bar,pushed the envelope and encouraged poor Frankie Boyle to go on a kamikaze career-ending rant. You were thinking outside the box. Your voice was clear as crystal. When you think inside the box,your voice has that muffled, HELP! get me out! I'm stuck in a box." quality.
Les Dennis asked 100 people,"Men you don't want to see on TV. 99.99% said-Les Dennis."
Tommy my cat threw the Newsletter from him and yelled,
"Elections? A waste of money if you ask me. Elections are nothing more than frivolous,frenetic,infrequent flimflam. Rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Merely shuffling a deck of cards and putting them back in the box again."
Tommy snapped his feline fingers and cried,
"I care not a fig for elections. I say FIE to Elections. Anyone who says 'elections' to Tommy the cat,will be met with a curt, abrupt yell of "COBBLERS!"
"Calm down Tommy,," I said. "Elections are just something we have to put up with, like putting the clocks back or taking out the wheelie bin. Elections do not impinge on our lives. Elections are called to get the politicians up off their back sides and get the blood pumping in their deskbound legs."
"Ah yes," said Tommy, "the precious house-bound honeys. WHERE WERE THE MPS AND THE MLAS WHEN YOU AND I WERE STARVING WITH COLD DURING THE WINTER?" screamed Tommy.
"Where were they then-eh? SITTING WITH THEIR ARSE ON A HOT RADIATOR!" Shrieked Tommy.
"During the months from October to March,heat-induced piles rose by a staggering 87% up in Stormont. Preparation H was airlifted into Stormont during the worst of the blizzards."
"I saw the big net hanging under the helicopter," I said. "I remember thinking to myself,he won't catch many fish up there!"
Suddenly, the door burst open and a scream of, "NIGH! NIGH! NIGH!" announced the arrival of Jim Rodgers.
"I WANT VOTES!" screamed Jim, "AND I WANT THEM-NIGH!"
"NEVER!" yelled Tommy. "You shall never have my vote."
"You don't have a vote!" screamed Jim.
"WHAT?" yelled Tommy. "This election is of the utmost importance. My demand is,One cat one vote. When do we want it-NIGH?"
Jim dropped to his knee,clasped my deformed, twisted hand and said,
"Can I depend on your vote, you beautiful, adorable, old bag?"
I blushed, giggled and muttered,
"There is something you should know about me Mr Rodgers.When it comes to voting,I am a-floater. I come from a long line of-floaters.".
"Why does that not surprise me?" said Tommy and Jim in unison.