How's the election going?

Great show yesterday Kid. I have a little something to add to the,'does Mr Coyle think Gerry Kelly is God' controversy. When Tommy my cat and I were out late last night,drawing Hitler moustaches and glasses on election posters,we saw Mr Coyle and his idol,Thunderthighs. We watched as Mr Coyle wafted incense over the big man and then knelt and kissed his ring. Tommy claims to have heard Gerry Kelly mutter,
"God bless you my son." I did not hear that,but I saw a look of adoration in the eyes of Mr Coyle, which would have done credit to a knitting, guillotine hag.
Tommy drew up two Alan Wicker chairs and invited me to sit down. It's a little game Tommy plays,ever since he saw Robert De Niro play Rupert Pumpkin in the film,"The King Of Comedy."
Tommy pretended to look at a camera and said,
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to,"How's the election going?" with me Tommy cat. Tonight I have an old bag with me who has, in her time, voted for Pitt the younger, Pitt the older and Pitt the in betweener. Old bag, If I can start with you first,how do you think the election is going? If I may paraphrase the great Indian leader Ghandi,"Who is going to win the whole, amazing, brilliant shebang?"
"Well, Tommy cat" I said,as I flicked invisible cigarette ash from my lungs like Dave Allen,
"Don't rule out the Ulster Unionists. Once upon a time. The Ulster Unionists, thanks to a whole raft of policies and a man called, Mr Gerry Mandering, ruled every part and parcel of this wee, sacred province."
"And tell me old bag," said Tommy,"why did that situation not prevail? In short, old bag, why are the Ulster Unionists led now by a man called Sir Reg Empry? A man, I must say, who bears a striking resemblance to the cartoon character,"Touche Turtle" TOUCHE--AWAY!" yelled Tommy.
"'TWAS THE CROSSROADS!" I yelled,leaping to my feet. "'TWAS THE CROSSROADS! Terence O'Neill took Ulster to the crossroads,the terrible, black crossroads where the devil waits for souls. BEWARE the Crossroads!" I screamed. "The devil waits at the Crossroads. Keep away from the-CROSSROADS! Cross the fields, but don't go near the CROSSROADS!"
I then fell in a heap, with drool running freely and unhindered from my gaping mouth.
Tommy stared into the camera and said,
"We'll be right back,after these messages."
When the big, fat opera singer was roaring and bawling about,"GO COMPARE",Tommy kicked the ribs off me,out of sight of the camera.
Oh and remember folks,a vote is not just for the election,a vote is for-life!
(Historical note. Terence O'Neill, Lousy Prime Minister, great guitar player.)