Coyle Refuses To Abdicate.

Great show yesterday kid.
When news of Mr Coyle's abdication came through on the radio, Tommy my cat and I put on matching, plum coloured duffel coats and headed for Shaftsbury Square. Thousands of people were dancing round their tents. Young women were making free with their affections and old codgers were grabbing old codgeresses and then dropping them like hot bricks when they couldn't remember what to do next. Jim Rodgers dressed as a giant, red tomato leaped on the back of a lorry and screamed,
"NIGH! NIGH! NIGH! I can confirm that Sean Thaddeaus Coyle has-GONE!!! No more will the people live in fear of the tyrant-Coyle. The last I heard, Coyle was seeking refuge in Lifford."
An old codger, wearing the obligatory flat cap and muffler croaked, "I have seen the demise of Walter Love, John Bennet and now, the biggest rascal of them all, Sean Coyle!" The old codger fell to his knees to give thanks with tears and green puss running freely from his eyes. THEN! a loud, uncouth voice roared, "How's about yease? My name is big Jim McDowell, so it is and I have just got a tweet."
"Don't tell us!" yelled Sarah Travers from the crowd. "Go and see a doctor!"
"Hauld on wee woman!" roared big Jim. I have my finger on the pulse of wee Nor'n Ir'n and the latest news is, Coyle has REFUSED to abdicate!!! I will now read a communique from Herr Coyle."
"Dear subjects, there is a false rumour going round that I am leaving Radio Foyle. That rumour was spread by Gerald Michael Anderson. Anderson has been trying to get rid of me since the day I came here. Me leave Radio Foyle? Me leave a cushy number near my home? Let my answer ring out in Belfast, Stroke City, Strabane, Clougher, Lisburn, Gortin and Cullybaccy. NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! Now, go back to your homes before I set the PSNI on youse!" Tommy looked at me and said, "An Arab Winter, I think not effendi!!!!"
I kicked a lost camel with a notice round its neck stating, "I belong to Sheik Jordie Tuft!
Back home, Tommy and I got out a plate of cold liver and a six-pack of Andrews liver salts. I turned on the radio, just in time to hear Mr Coyle roar,
"Did you ever enter a talent contest?"
Tommy looked at me with surprise and said, "He hasn't lost it. What an astute observation!"
I handed Tommy an IOU for a concur and went to my bed!!!