Holy,snow and a clanging bell.

Great show yesterday kid. After listening to the great show, the inmates of Saint Wendy's Old Folk Home, slid down a steep, slippery, hill on their breakfast trays. The crack of broken bones was clearly audible over the excited yells and screams coming from the wrinkled, wizened, tobogganing relics. "I live in a-Wendy house," croaked one old codger as he was taken away by ambulance to be treated for concussion and the removal of an impaled catheter.
"Careful with that axe Eugene," he joked,as he was wheeled into the operating theatre.
Tommy my cat nailed a holy wreath to the toilet seat and said,
"That's the house decorated from top to bottom. Miles and miles of tinsel. A boat load of baubles. Fake snow up to the oxters. Reindeer on the roof. A giant, inflatable Santa and our last demand from VISA card pinned to the front door." I opened the window and yelled, "Look on my works and despair!" A voice from across the street roared back, "Look on my despair and fill me with Valium!" I watched with tears in my eyes as a small, thin, pale-faced workhouse urchin came round the corner on crutches. He looked up at me with a sad, pale face and said,
"HOI! rat features, how about some gruel for a lump of a cub!"
"Clear off four legs!" I roared. "Gruel doesn't grow on trees!"
"The cheek of it," said Tommy. "I've said it before and I'll say it again, there's too much charity and religion creeping into Christmas."
"Tommy!" I cried. "Is it snowing, or is it the local drug dealer shaking out his duvet again?"
"It's snow!" cried Tommy. "Real honest to goodness snow, which is made by God and most good film studios."
Then we both heard the clanging of a bell. It was the town crier, Jim Rodgers. "NIGH hear ye!" screamed Jim. "NIGH hear ye! Two o'clock and all is wrong. Just an hour ago, Tubby Nolan was blowing up balloons. The fat boy sucked instead of blowing and now has a gastric band in his large intestine. The blubber ball is locked in his bedroom and friends have taken away his belt, galluses and shoe laces."
Tommy looked at me and said. "So, this is the way the Tubby will end, not with a bang but a whimper!" Forgetting I was wearing my new flip-flops,I concurred enthusiastically!