McCrea's Trip To San Diego.

Great shows last week kid.
Great shows which unfortunately, failed to prick the conscience of Basil McCrea and the cabal of MLAs who are flying off to San Diego at the tax payers' expense. Tommy my cat and I attended the press conference up at Stormont.
"Mr McCrea," yelled a very blonde and very irate Eamon Mally, "can you explain why YOU, and a number of other MLAs are flying off to San Diego at the tax payers' expense?"
"I'm glad you asked me that question," replied Basil McCrea. "This trip to San Diego is NOT a junket. We are going on a fact finding trip, which could in time, bring great rewards to the hard working and non-working people of Ulster."
"With all due respect Mr McCrea," roared Eamon Mally, "that is bunkum and balderdash! People see this as a group of MLAs setting off on a free holiday."
"I resent that!" cried Basil McCrea. "This will be a business trip, not a pleasure trip. If I wanted pleasure I would go home at dinner time."
(Tommy and Ken Reid giggled and sniggered at this reply.)
"Mr McCrea," roared the ever genial Ken Reid,"what will you be studying while in San Diego?"
"I'm glad you asked me that question," said Basil McCrea. "We shall be studying San Diego's unemployed and comparing them to our own unemployed. We will spend our time studying dole queues. We will travel to every street corner in San Diego to see how the San Diego cornerboys comport themselves. I have noticed in Ulster, a tendency for our cornerboys to slouch, scowl and yell fly wans after members of the general public.".
Eamon Mally, elbowed Ken Reid in the guts and yelled,
"I am dumbfounded Mr McCrea, completely dumbfounded, that you would seriously think an all expenses paid trip to Sad Diego could in any way help our unemployed!"
"Well that's where you're wrong Mr Smarty Pants!" roared Basil McCrea. "Only today, I have put out for consultation a bill that will compel all the unemployed to be compulsory spray-tanned to make them appear more healthy and pleasing to the eye.".
"Mr McCrea," roared Eamon Mally, "you are a-tube!"
"Mr Mally," yelled Basil McCrea, "so are YOU!!!!"
"Democracy at work," said Tommy, "is like a sausage factory. It's much better in the long run not to see what's going on behind the scenes." Without warning, I instinctively-concurred!
When we got home Tommy donned a Gladstone death mask, leaped up on the mantle-piece and yelled, "The word, epochal is tossed about lightly in boardrooms, whaling ships and Ann Summer's parties. YET, on Saturday, first minister Peter Robinson, made a speech that was truly epochal, truly ground-breaking and historical. Peter Robinson, who used to follow Martin Luther and now follows Martin Luther King, called for an end to sectarianism. "No more, them and us!" yelled Peter. "Go home and prepare for peace, prosperity and prose from Seamus Heaney."
"All very well and good,"I yelled, "but we don't want to turn into a nation of pacifists, Quakers or Amish. If there's no them and us, where will we fight?" "AT HOME," yelled Tommy, "where God fearing,hard working, decent, honest people have been fighting since the dawn of time behind closed curtains!" I let out my face to an evil grin and said, "Tommy, you're not one of us." Quick as a flash Tommy replied, "Well you are certainly one of them!" I retired, hoist, pierced, run through and skewered by my own petard!!!