The Christmas Madness Has Begun.

Great show yesterday kid. Tommy my cat and I were in Castle Court yesterday when we witnessed a fracas in Santa's grotto. A fat child, modelled along the lines of Tubby Nolan, leaped on to Santa's knee like a well fed hippo.
"AH! in the name of God!" yelled Santa. "Get off! You're squashing my baubles, you wee, fat gulpin!" The juvenile Haystacks burst into tears and wailed, "Mummy! mummy! mummy! Auld Santa, insinuated I was a wee fat gulpin!" People scattered as a big, fat woman thundered up like a run-a-way Blob. It was the fat boy's mum. Her face was purple with anger and her big, fat jowls shook and quivered like saddlebags on a long-eared mule. "Where's my little Willie?" she bellowed. "Who has dared to call my wee son a jelly belly?"
"I DID!" yelled the drunken Santa. "You have fed that cub until he looks like a poisoned pup. He is a danger to heath and safety. He leaped up on my knee like an over-weight manatee. I fear the wee, fat gulpin has done irreparable damage to my forkal area."
The mother of the oval boy sniffed the air like a stag and yelled, "You're drunk! You're a pissed Santa!"
"YES!" roared the man in red. "But I'll be sober in the morning and you and your son will still be blubber balls!"
"The straw that broke the camel's back," whispered Tommy.
"A bridge too far," I muttered.
All hell broke loose in the grotto. The massive mum pulled a golden horn from an angel's hand, lifted up Santa's red coat, gave a thrust and roared, "Ding Dong Merrily On High on-THAT!!!!" The drunk Santa, headbutted the irate mammoth mother right between her two little piggy eyes. And the juvenile Tubby sank his teeth into Santa's thin, dirty ankle with a look of relish on his fat face. Women screamed and children cried, as Santa and the duo of fatties over-turned the Christmas tree and sent elves scurrying for safety. The manager arrived, sacked the Santa and mollified the obese mum and her plump offspring with selection boxes and half a dozen large pies.
On the way home Tommy said, "It's only starting. The Christmas madness has begun."
I looked at Tubby Nolan, standing on a traffic island yelling, "This Christmas, I will eat my own weight in giblets" and concurred!!!!