Higgs Boson on The Run

Great show yesterday kid, which restored a degree of sanity after the Hugo Duncanesque excess of Black Monday. "Sean Coyle," said Tommy my cat, "is playing fast and loose with the Gerry Anderson doctrine of, "I'll pick the music I play. The listeners can like it or lump it!"
"That's what the public want!" I yelled. "A benign dictator. The smack of firm dee-jaying."
Tommy leaped up on the mantlepiece and yelled, "J'accuse Mr Coyle of Neville Chamberlain, appeasment tactics. Coyle would provide the public with bread and circuses when what they really want is mashups, Miles Davis and the little Honda 50."
"Coyle is a tube!" I yelled. "And like Mitt Romney, I'll bet ten grand that he wears tube socks!"
Later that night, when I was ironing a pair of kippers, Tommy came running in from the back yard. Oh he did look pale. Oh he did look discombobulated.
"Tommy!" I shrieked. "What is the cause of your obvious discombubulation?"
Tommy held on to the mantlepiece and stuttered, "A man has taken up abode in the confines of our coal bunker."
I ran out to the back yard and peeped into the coal bunker. In the dark and gloom I saw the figure of a man crouched in the far corner.
"Is that Alisdair McDonnell?" I asked.
"No," said the strange figure. My name is Higgs Boson. I am on the run. Strange weird people are after me. They claim I am the God particle. They say, erroneously, that I hold the secret of dark matter." Poor wee Higgs, burst into tears and yelled, "They even say I know how matter is formed. But I don't! I don't! I would like to know who is spreading all these lies about me."
"Tubby Nolan!" I yelled. "Tubby Nolan must have given the Hydron Collider boys your name. Tubby Nolan knows how matter is formed. Tubby Nolan, is a veritable mountain of matter. Tubby Nolan should be speeding around the Hydron Collider not you."
"I know not Tubby Nolan said Higgs Boson, but I loathe, hate and despise him. It is HE not ME who should be in the collider."
"And yet, he never shall," I answered sadly.
"WHY NOT?" screamed Higgs.
"If you saw the size of his head, you would not ask that question," I replied. Wee Higgs was gone in the morning, a wanted man, a man on the run. "Good luck Higgs Boson," I whispered. "Another victim of the unscrupulous, God particle, known through out the universe as--Tubby Nolan."