Easing Pre Nuptial Nerves

Great show yesterday kid.
A great show which greatly eased the pre-nuptial nerves in Buckingham palace.
"That's my friend Gerry, so it is," said the Queen."I had him over for tea and bikkies, so I did. What a lovely man he is, so he is, so cultured, so elegant, so very, very fond of vodka."
"But what does he DO?" roared Prince Phillip. "What does he DO? I said to him, what do you do?
He looked at his Hopalong Cassidy watch and said,
"It's half past nine your highness." Gormless if you ask me, just like number one son Charles."
"Tommy cat esquire," I yelled,
"Ja mein Fuhrer," roared Tommy.
"Tomorrow morning on the stroke of eight o'clock I expect to see you sitting bolt upright on a straight-backed chair wearing a swallow-tailed coat like Groucho Marx."
"Ja mein Fuhrer," yelled Tommy. "Permission pleeze to wear my jack boots."
"Nein, Nein, Nein!" I yelled. "You will wear your patent,leather, black shoes. The same shoes you wear when we watch, Strictly Come Dancing. Now when we first see the bride's dress we must, Ooh and Aah. So let's practise our Oohs and Aahs." Tommy and I clasped our hands to our face, opened our eyes wide and went,
"OOH! AAH! OOH! AAH!"
"What a wunderbar hockzeitskleid* (wedding dress*), shrieked Tommy.
"Ooh, Aah, Master McGraw."
"Next comes the exchange of rings!" I yelled.
At this point we both fall to the floor together and go into a fit of blubbering, sobbing, weeping, crying and keening. We then turn towards each other and sob, "OH, I do love a wedding!"
Then the happy couple leave the Cathedral. We leap to our feet, sing two verses of God save the Queen, Rule Britannia and Knees up Mother Brown."
"And what do we do then?" asked Tommy.
"Nothing!" I replied.
"The wedding is over! We have a light lunch consisting of black pepper, salad and boiled blubber and then turn over to RTE and watch Podge and Rodge."
"I like Podge and Rodge," said Tommy. "They are indeed the Hibernian Morecambe and Wise."
I concurred, swept it under the carpet and hung by the heels from the ceiling yelling,
"What do you mean funny? I'm a clown? I amuse you?
What the flipping heck is so funny about ME?"
Yeh, Podge and Rodge are Goodfellows!