The Queen's Visit

Great Royal show yesterday kid.
Tommy my cat and I were filled with great anger, ire and outrage, when the rascally stone thrower from the Rossville flats tried to sabotage your heartfelt story about the Queen. Needless to say, steps have been taken at Buckingham Palace. Neither MBE, or OBE shall never grace the front of Mr Coyle's gansy.
After your show, Tommy and I waved the tricolour and the union jack as the Queen landed on the auld sod.
"Look at the Queen, all dressed in green.
Prettiest sight I've ever seen!" yelled Tommy.
He quickly changed into a tuxedo, mounted an Ikea, luminous-green, plastic chair and roared,
"This is indeed a historic occasion. On behalf of cats from every religion and indeed, none, I would like to welcome the Queen and her retinue to Dublin."
"Tommy," I whispered, "What's a-retinue?"
"It's a fancy name for suitcase," said Tommy. "The Queen will need a retinue to hold the green leprechaun and bog oak shillelagh which will be presented to her Majesty by Irish President, Mary McAleish after a marathon, 24 hour,Irish dancing ceremony on top of Tara hill."
I looked out the window at all the bunting. This is the day Mr and Mrs Bunting their eleven children and adopted son Pepe go to Portrush and said,
"Can the Irish afford such extravagant gifts? Will not the IMF protest?"
Tommy blew his nose on the end of his simmet and said, "What can an old lag do from a cold, damp cell on Rikers Island?"
That's what I like about Tommy, not always clean but extremely succinct!
"I bit my nails, pulled my nose hair and said,
"I wonder will Daniel, perhaps, Sir Daniel O'Donnell, sing for her Majesty tonight?"
"Are you mad!" roared Tommy. "This is supposed to be a friendly visit. A warble from Dan would set back Anglo/Irish relations for another 800 years. No, my guess is, the entertainment will be provided by Phill Coulter, Jedward, and the Furey brothers with Davie Arthur."
"They'll be dancing on the Liffy tonight!" I yelled, as I wrenched a picture of Prince Phillip off the wall and gave the ancient Greek a great big kiss.
I hope the damned auld corncrake doesn't keep the Queen awake at night.
Things look good for the Anglo/Irish. Stall the wedding! Didn't that used to be a-bank!!!!!