A Family Dinner

Great show yesterday kid, made all the more memorable when Vanessa Feltz phoned in to ask if her bum looked big in England.
Brian Dowling, Nasty Nick, Chantelle, Preston, Nicky Graham, Ulrikaka Johnson. These are just some of the people you can avoid if you don't watch Big Brother.
A secret, leaked BBC memo said substantial savings could be made if Donna Trainor sat on Noel Thompson's knee during Newsline. Speaking from a sheep pen somewhere in the Mourne mountains, Noel Thompson said,
"My knees are sacrosanct. They are an integral part of my style jumping."
When approached in a tanning booth, where she was making toast, Donna Trainor replied,
"I would rather sit on the spikes of a world war two mine."
Our reporter took this as a No and filed it under-Maybe
There I was, trying to wrestle two pounds of bubble and squeak into a saucepan, when Tommy my cat and Henry the hoover walked through the door laughing and joking.
"Honey I'm home!" yelled Henry, with a big smile plastered all over his cylindrical face.
That Henry is getting too fly for his own good if you ask me.
"Get into your corner," I yelled, "and pull your flexible hose in after you!"
"We never sit down to eat as a family anymore," whined Henry.
"That's right," cried Tommy."Where has the love gone? What are we? Ships that pass in the night? Henry and I want love and nurturing and we want it-NIGH!"
"All you will get from me," I screamed, "is hate and neutering! You two take me for granted. From morning 'till night all I hear is,
"Bring me a saucer of milk, or, empty my dust bag. Well no more! Shirley Valentine made a new life for herself and so shall I. It's still not too late for me to be a model and receive blood diamonds from evil tyranical despots."
"You, a model?" sneered Henry.
"A model head-banger," laughed Tommy.
"A model old slapper!" cried Henry.
It was then the nuclear family fell apart. I grabbed a frozen mackeral and set about Henry. Tommy leaped on my back like a monkey and bit the two ears off me.
"NIGH! NIGH! NIGH!" screamed Jim Rodgers. "Don't you know the family that prays together stays together?"
Jim then led us in three verses of, "YES! we shall gather by the river" and a lovely reading from the Koran.
And that night we did sit down to dinner as a family, complete with place mats and everything.
The bubble tasted quite good, but the squeak was vile and repulsive!
It's so difficult to read the sell-by date on bubble and squeak. It keeps moving about!