Oxter Tickling

Great show yesterday kid. Tommy my cat ticked himself under the oxter, laughed and said,
"So, old Jordie is on the magic mushrooms. I wonder what magical hallucinations will light up the dark side of the brain of our rural, rustic friend?"
"Many strange, weird and wonderful things will happen," I said."Old Jordie will see colourful doats and goats wearing gossamer dresses. His old Fergie tractor will take on the appearance of a golden chariot and with a spurt of unnatural, fungi-induced energy, the Tufter will yell,
"Get back yeh boy yeh!" and dung out his own bed, without any feminine, womanly, estrogen, hormonal assistance. THEN, the drug will wear off and old Jordie will sit with head in hands, at the fire,wondering if he should join fellow pugilist, Ricky Hatton,in the Priory clinic."
"How right Merle Haggard was," said Tommy, "when he wrote, "The going up's not worth the coming down." A song," said Tommy, "which not only applies to winos and druggies, but also people who climb mount Everest."
"It's an all round song," I said."It could even apply to going up and coming down the stairs.".
(And now for something completely similar)
"Eight weeks in jail," said Tommy."Eight weeks in the clink, the slammer, the tig house, the hotel California, the joint, the hoosegow, the hole, the can, the pokey, the jug, the calaboose, the pen, the smallest room in the Hilton, the.........."
"ENOUGH!" I interjected. "Whom is doing eight weeks at the Greybar's Hotel?"
"That nice Greek boy, George Michael," replied Tommy.
He ticked himself under the oxter again and giggled,
"It could be said, the Whammer is in the slammer."
"Praise the Lord and pass the powder puff," I said. "I thought Tubby Nolan's mountain of parking tickets had finally caught up with him."
"Tubby's a tough guy," said Tommy. "He told me there isn't a cell built that could hold him."
"A quick fix," I said,"just knock down the two adjoining walls and you would have a cell that would fit Tubby like a glove."
"Just imagine the headlines in the Sunday World," said Tommy.
"Slabberer sent to the slammer."
I tickled myself under the oxter, shrieked and replied,
"Due to his size, there's no chance of Tubby bending down to pick up the Lifebuoy soap in the showers."
Tommy and I went into a frenzy of oxter tickling and laughed and laughed and laughed!