Short shrift to big pants

Great show yesterday kid.
"That's obscene!" yelled Tommy my cat.
"What's obscene?" I cried.
"The short shift that Gerry gave to Nolan," said Tommy. "If Tubby bends over wearing that, people will see the grand canyon."
"It was a mistake," I said. "Gerry had trouble with his hi-tech thing-a-may-jig.
Gerry loves Tubby like the errant child he never had."
Tommy put on a David Dunseith voice and said,
"And whose under pants are YOU wearing today?"
"Today Matthew," I said, "I will be wearing the sequined underpants of Idi Amin."
"Got room for a little one?" said Tommy.
"Jump in," I said. "Invite a few friends round and we'll have a party."
After four hours of drinking, singing and dancing, the police knocked on the under pants and told us to keep the noise down.
Tommy, who had been on the cider, opened the fork of the underpants and yelled,
"Knickers!"
The police burst into the underpants and arrested everyone, including Jim Rodgers who had only called round to borrow a cup of one pound coins.
"Bummer!" screamed Jim, as he was thrown into the back of a lovely batten burg maria.
After the big pants party, Tommy and I set out looking for Steven Nolan. We finally tracked the fat boy down to an all night complex which sold rare petrol cans and windows for Capri caravans. The place was packed with strange-looking men, wearing straitjackets under their raincoats.
"Tubby!" I yelled. "Tubby, Tubby, Tubby! Looking good my man."
"Steve!" cried Tommy "What are you up to, you old Comanchero?"
Tubby smiled from 'ere to there and said,
"Big things are afoot my friends,"
"Virulent verrucas?" I said.
"No," said Tubby.
"That lovely woman, May McFedridge, has pulled some strings, called in some favours and there's a good chance I will be playing the genie in panto this year."
"They will need the lamp from the statue of liberty to hold you," said Tommy.
"It's all an illusion," laughed Tubby. "It's all done by smoke and mirrors.
But what do you two tubes know about panto? The only genie you know is Jennie with the light brown hair."
"How dare you!" I yelled.
"I will have you know, I was a thespian in my time."
"That's true," said Tommy. "Matt Baggott showed me her police record. Picked up 247 times for thespian at the same lamp post."
Alas 'tis true. Times were hard. There was trouble at mill.
Was it not William Hague who said,
"The past will always came back to haunt you?"