IRRITABLE EYEBROW SYNDROME

Great show yesterday kid. A great show made all the more memorable when investigative journalist, Frank Mitchell, broke the inside story behind the great show. Quoting sources close to Radio Foyle, Frank stunned Ulster to the core when he reported that Mr Coyle had been suffering from irritable eyebrow syndrome during the show. According to Frank, staff at Radio Foyle became alarmed when Mr Coyle's large eyebrow began to curl and uncurl like a giant, hairy caterpillar. Poor Janet and Emma went into hysterics. Only quick thinking by Micky Bradly saved the day,when he left his post to loosen the girls clothing, which he did time and time again.
As the eyebrow became more active and agile Gerry Anderson yelled,
"We need BOTOX and we need it NIGH!"
After fifty injections of high grade Mexican botox, Mr Coyle's eyebrow settled down and the show continued. Radio Foyle doctor Willie John Patel said later,
"Goodness gracious me! It was amazing, brilliant and very, very smashing."
Tommy my cat looked at me and said,
"They will make a film about that, THE GIANT EYEBROW FROM THE BLACK LAGOON.
Will you go and see it?"
"Not a chance kid," I said. "I would rather go and see Avatar meets Shreck at Old Mother Reilly's haunted house."
"Throw in the three Stooges," said Tommy, "and you've got a hit there."
I stood back and gazed in wonder at Tommy's prodigious perceptibility. I really must sew some buttons on the fork of his little, leprechaun-green, velveteen trousers!
Having nothing better to do, Tommy and I decided to write a three act play called "Tubby Nolan and the bun fight at the B.O. corral."
Tommy and I staged the play later that night in a run-down boy scouts' tent at the back of the Europa Hotel. We got rave reviews.
"I laughed until I wet myself and others." (The Irish News)
"This is the best play what I have every seen." (The Newsletter)
"If Harold Pinter were alive he would run out in front of a big, yellow, cement lorry." (The Telegraph)
"Laugh? I thought I would never stop." (The Jewish Chronicle)
Jim McDowell of The Sunday World was a bit more scathing.
"Woman, cat and cast involved in drunken, drug fueled orgy after disappointing farce."
Of all the reviews only Jim McDowell hit the nail on the head. And Jimmy Nail ain't too happy about it.
"Crocodile shoes, crocodile shoes."