Talking gibberish

Great shows last week Kid, in fact I said so to Tommy my cat, who was just putting the final touches to a floor mosaic, featuring the glory days of Edwin Poots.
In the mosaic, Tommy had depicted Edwin wearing a laurel leaf and toga astride a bicycle. You could see straight up Edwin's toga, but Tommy, ever the artist, had thought of that and had carefully manufactured a wee pair of drawers out of a broken cider bottle. Underneath the mosaic was a Latin inscription which read,
"Abiit, excessit, evasit, erupit."
A phrase which when translated means,
"He is gone, he is off, he has escaped, he has broken away."
Apparently, Cicero said that, when he came home from the pictures and found Bunty, his wee Jack Russell dog, had escaped out of the garden and was chasing chariots up and down the street. After that, Bunty was kept on a chain to stop him roaming.(tee-hee)
"Tommy!" I cried. "Gerry is putting on some great shows this year."
Tommy looked at me and said,
"Absolutely."
I went on, "The great shows Gerry is putting on this year, are some of the best shows Gerry has ever put on. Would you agree?"
Tommy looked at me and said,
"Absolutely."
"WHOA. WHOA!" I yelled. "Stall the wedding. Back her up. What's all this-absolutely malarkey about?"
Tommy looked up from tying a Windsor knot on Andy the budgie's burgundy tie and said,
"Absolutely is a word I have taken a great hankering to. Absolutely can be used on any occasion. It answers every question and makes others believe that one is from the Malone Road."
"I absolutely forbid you to use that word-absolutely!" I yelled.
"Absolutely not!" roared Tommy.
"I will say, 'absolutely' from morning until night. How dare you absolutely forbid me to use the word-'absolutely'. You don't own the word-'absolutely'. 'Absolutely' belongs to everyone and I will absolutely use the word, 'absolutely' until I am absolutely fed up saying-'absolutely'."
I glowered at the ferocious feline and yelled,
"And is that your last word?"
Tommy glared back and said,
"Absolutely!"
On Friday night, who should drop in with a carry out of haggis, neaps and tatties from the Ulster/Scots McDonald's, than bonny wee Lord Laird. As we got stuck into the Scottish grub, washed down with flowing pitchers of Iron Brue, Bonnie wee Lord Laird laughed, threw his feet up in the air, showing he was commando beneath his kilt and said,
"So I said to Martin McGuinness,"Gang a-wah yeh wee scunner. Straddle yer coulter an' stick yer wee pook in yon stirabout."
"Oh Lord Laird," gushed Tommy. "What a wit you are to be sure? Of all the gentlemen who talk gibberish,you, Lord Laird, stand head and shoulders above all others."
Lord Laird leaped to his feet, sending haggis, neaps, tatties and Iron Brue flying. The peer of the realm glowered at poor Tommy and roared,
"Wheest yer bleather, yeh wee, timmering pussy. Day yeh nay ken the language oh yer fore fathers? Gang a-wah, yeh wee, milk-lappin' scunner and stick yer wee heid in a burn."
I intervened by yelling,
"Lordy, Lordy, Lordy, wee Lord Laird. Dinny lose the heid. The feline knows not what he says. Here, take my hand and you and I shall dance The Bonny Wee Maid From Fife."
Which we did,with much yelling,roaring and guldering from me and strange, guttural snorts, yelps and grunts from bonny wee Lord Laird.
After the dance which left me and Lord Laird panting like two old lurcher dogs, Lord Laird gave his kilt a hike, showing YET again his commando status, glowered at Tommy and said.
"He who steals my purse steals trash. 'Twas mine, 'tis his, and has been slave to thousands. But he that filches my language,robs me of this which enriches not him and makes me poor indeed."
A bit dramatic I thought!