Hillary's Visit

I looked at Tommy my cat who was pacing the floor. Tommy was literally fuming with anger.

"Tommy," I said. "What did you think of the Hillary Clinton show?"

Tommy kicked the coal bucket, drew his sharp claws down the curtains, leaving them in tatters and shrieked,

"Hillary-Billary! How dare she hi-jack the Gerry show.

How dare she treat us like a fourth world country.

How dare Hillary-Billary Clinton come here and say, you must do this! But you must not do THAT!.

How dare she!" screamed Tommy. "How dare she!

Auld Hillary- Billary Clinton should have stayed at home and boiled her big American head!"

"Tommy," I said, "Little Tommy, this great ire ill becomes you. Hillary Clinton is a stateswoman who came over here to patronize us in the nicest possible way."

Tommy gave the coal bucket another kick and roared,

"Did you know that Hillary Clinton was the model for the cabbage patch doll?"

"Keep your voice down Tommy," I pleaded,"or the wrath of America will be turned against you."

"I spit on the wrath of America," yelled Tommy.

"Sure America may well invade Tommy the cat. But I warn America. Before you invade Tommy the cat, make sure you have a good exit strategy, because Tommy the cat could well be your next Vietnam!"

Then Tommy pulled on a pair of Ugg boots and ran out the door.

"Tommy!" I yelled. "Where are you off too?"

"SANDBAGS!" screamed Tommy.

"I'm off to get 14 sandbags. This house in ill prepared for an American invasion."

Day war broke out I remember saying to Tommy,

"Nay Tommy. Nay, Nay, Tommy lad. Thee should have never compared Hillary Clinton to cabbage patch doll. Thee should have thought on lad. Why did thee not think on lad?"

And now wee Tommy is holed up in the bunker!

Eeh! I don't know.

Today's Newsletter headline

"Clinton visits Clampets!"

Full story on page 1 to 56.