What IS the Reality, Mark?

Great show yesterday kid. Today, our thoughts go out to all the girls at the "Crusty Bakery". When the girls returned after the weekend, they found to their consternation that some bad man had put a bun in each of their ovens. "CRIKEY!" yelled big Maggie. "I took precautions, I stood bolt, upright against a wall."
Wee Nellie went into hysterics, fell to the ground, kicked and flung and screeched, "He told me it was the Heimlich maneuver!"
Tommy my cat rubbed Vaseline over his thighs to stop his deep purple, leder-hosen from chaffing and said, "Did you know the last thing Hitler said in the bunker was, "Either this wallpapers goes, or I do?"
"Liar, Liar, leder-hosen on fire," I yelled. "It was Oscar Wilde who said that!"
"Au contraire!" said Tommy. "Who are you going to believe? Old Oscar Wilde, who never fired a shot in anger, OR, Adolf Hitler, dog lover, cream bun eater and big Charlie Chaplin fan?"
"Wilde!" I yelled.
"Hitler!" roared Tommy.
"Let Wikipedia decide," I cried, running to our steam driven computer. Apparently we were both wrong! According to Wikipedia, the person who said, "Either this wallpaper goes, or I do!" was, Laurence Llewellyn Bowen! I looked at Tommy, Tommy looked at me, "WILDE!" I roared.
"HITLER!" screamed Tommy. Tommy looked slyly at me and said,
"Hey! you with the trout gub, let's play knock, knock jokes."
"YIPPEE!" I cried. "Knock, knock jokes are my favourite jokes." I adjusted my inflatable simmet and yelled, "Knock, Knock!"
To which Tommy replied. "Come on in, the door is open." I could have killed the curly tailed, little mouse catcher. Instead, I put a dirty look into an envelope and sent it to Tommy, first class.
Who's the fool now????
I found Mark Durkin, wandering round Belfast muttering. "Au contraire, Mr Trimble." I grabbed little Markus by the Adam's apple and said, "Long time no see kid. What brings you to Belfast? Still looking for the reality?"
Mark swung round and roared, "It was established at Sunningdale, that the reality, IS. Was, IS, and until a majority of the people on the island of Ireland hold a referendum saying otherwise, the reality will always be, IS."
"Riveting stuff," I said.
"You betcha," said Mark. "I could talk about the reality seven days a week, including Sunday."
"What first got you interested in the reality?" I asked. Mark's face darkened and he said, "Back in the bad, old days, a Unionist politician quoted something I had said out of context. Without thinking, without any prior planning, I leaped to my feet and yelled, "The reality, IS!" That was the birth of reality," said Mark. Others, David Trimble, Bob McCartney, remember him? Sammy Wilson and, it shames me to say it, but even my adopted son, wee Alex Attwood, have used the phrase, "the reality, IS." but, the reality, IS," said Mark, "I was the first man to point out that the reality, IS." Mark began to foam at the mouth and screamed, "IS! IS!. The reality IS! Beware of false reality men. When Mark Durkin, tells you, the reality, IS! you can take that to the bank! No man knows more about reality than Mark Durkin. Now, listen to this, straight from the horse's mouth. THE REALITY, IS! THE REALITY, IS! THE REALITY, IS! IS! IS! IS! THE REALITY, IS!!!!!!!