Kittens on a catamaran.

Great show yesterday kid. It is truly remarkable that just three people, your good self, Mr Coyle and Emma can put on such an extravaganza.
"What a splendid show!" said Tommy my cat.
"Exuberant, luxuriant, lavish, abounding in high spirits and literally over flowing with good humour. What a contrast to Tubby Nolan and his loud, bucket-bake, slabbering, bellowing and guldering!"
"You must excuse the oval one," I said. "This early, unnatural heat has spawned a multitude of gad flies. Poor Tubby is in agony. The gad flies gather on his massive rump and bite the rear of the obese dear."
"Has he tried Savlon antiseptic cream?" said Tommy.
"First thing he reached for," I said. "But he can't keep it down, keeps boking it back up again."
"In that case," Said Tommy, "he should consider covering his bum with arsenic."
I pulled my apron over my head and giggled, "You said-arsenic."
"So!" said Tommy. "What's so funny about that?"
"It's the word-arsenic," I giggled. "It sounds rude."
Tommy drew himself up, put both thumbs into his waistcoat pockets and said,
"Forgive me if I fail to see the humour in a fat boy being eaten alive from the rear by ravenous gad flies."
Tommy glared at me and cried, "YOU remind me of the old, wrinkled, wizened, prune-faced, hairy chinned crones who used to sit at the foot of the guillotine, croaking, cackling and giggling, as the bloody, severed heads fell into the basket."
"How dare you!" I yelled, jumping to my feet. "My dear, late mammy did not bring me up to sit beside guillotines counting heads. My mammy loved me. I was her favourite. Whenever there were kittens to be drowned, mammy would always hand the bag to ME!"
As soon as the words passed my cracked and chaffed lips I realized what I had said.
Tommy's face turned white. He backed into a corner and began yelling, "MONSTER! KILLER! CRIPPIN! HITLER! How could you? How could you drown helpless, little kittens?"
Thinking on my feet, I fell into a chair and said,
"Tommy, Tommy, A Chara, I could never drown a wee kitten. I took the kittens to the river and then opened the bag and placed the little kittens on a ship. Off they sailed, happy as Larry, to find good homes in the country."
Tommy ruminated, a filthy habit, even for a cat, and said, "Deep in my heart I knew you could never drown kittens. You may be old, bent, twisted and ugly as sin, but you could never do THAT! I go now, to shoot gad flies off Tubby Nolan's rump with my pellet gun." I heaved a big sigh of relief. THEN! Tommy spun round and said, "What kind of ship did you put the little kittens on?"
"A catamaran," I said. "I sent the dear little kittens to good homes on a catamaran."
Tommy nodded and went out the door holding his rifle like Elmer Fudd.
(That's all for now folks)