I know a secret but I'm not goin to tell you!

Great show yesterday kid. It must be great when, like Biggles, you can fly the old crate solo, without Mr Coyle watching your every move and pulling you up every time you are economical with the truth.
Tommy my cat, sat behind the Cullybaccy Chronicle and said, "Ex Monkee, Davie Jones dies, age 66.
James Murdock, son of his daddy said, "The law is closing in. I'm getting out of here!
Bishop makes YET another apology.
Oh, here's a good public interest story. "Mother-in-law, made me run away from home." said a 67 year old business man, who was found hiding in a storm drain." Tommy bristled as he read. "Kitten FREE to good home."
"It's never PUPS!" yelled Tommy. "Always, kittens. What kind of world do we live in," roared Tommy, "when a canine who rolls in his own filth is preferred over a cuddly, fluffy, friendly pussie?"
"Read something else Tommy," I cried, as I sat in a wheelbarrow, eating curds and WAY-HEY! with a big spoon. "The rest is all Titanic stuff," said Tommy. "Where she was built. Where she sank and the old urban legend, that the band played on."
"Poor Titanic," I said, "lying in a watery grave, just like Joey, my first goldfish."
Tommy looked all around, shuffled his feet and whispered, "Sometimes, now don't get me wrong, sometimes, I hate the very name, Titanic!"
"I know what you mean," I said. "Unfinished business. A black cloud hanging over Ulster. OH!!" I shrieked. "Will we never find CLOSURE?"
"I was thinking last night," said Tommy, "as I lay for four hours in front of a mouse hole, "the only resolution and solution to the Titanic hanlin' is to build another Titanic!"
"Brilliant! Amazing!" I yelled. "The answer is to get back on the horse. Build a bigger, better Titanic and this time, don't stint on the rivets."
Tommy ruminated, not a pretty sight to see and said,
"But what if Titanic 2 goes down with huge loss of life?"
"Radio controlled!" I yelled. "On its maiden voyage, Titanic 2, will carry no crew or passengers. The steering, the brakes, the horn and the indicators will be worked by remote-radio control."
"You little grotesque!" yelled Tommy. "It's fool proof. Soon, Ulster will regain its pride. Just one thing," said Tommy. "What if the radio signals sent to the Titanic 2 are interfered with by taxis? We don't want Titanic 2, turning up at Spamount Street, to take some woman to the hairdressers."
"Damn you Tommy cat!" I yelled. "Why must you rain on my parade? Why must you drop my icecream in the mud? Why must you be so, sensible???"
"There, there," said Tommy. "Don't take on so. Dry your pretty little pus filled eyes. Tonight, when on mouse watch, I will invent a jamming device for the Titanic 2's radio. Cheer up my little muskrat, the Titanic shall sail AGAIN!"
Overcome with excitement and gross stupidity, bordering on thickness, I threw off my clothes and ran down the street singing, "I know a secret, but I'm not going to tell you!"
(The things we learn at school, never leave us)