Too Many Sick People Going To Hospital!

Great show yesterday kid. A great show which helped ease the pain of the Clogher Ancient Ramblers' Club. After lunch on Monday, the ancient ramblers donned strong, hiking boots, all-weather, thermal clothing and set out to begin the long hike to the front gate of Saint Peter and Pauline's Old Folks' Home. At the dimming of the day, head nurse, Fred Crippin, became worried. A search party was sent out and discovered an old codger lying in the brambles, just ten yards from the front door. As the search continued, old relics were discovered lying by the wayside. Just a metre from the main gate, old Beano McDandy, was found crawling on his belly like a snake, with a trembling hand reaching out for the gate. After a nappy change, a hot bath and a good feed of champ, the old pre-deads, were able to sit girning and criticizing the "ONE SHOW".
Tommy my cat, removed his appendix with a tin opener and said,
"The health Service is in a bit of a mess." I picked up a DVD of, "Sex In The City" with the tongs, threw it on the fire and said,
"Edwin Poots said, the trouble is too many sick people are going to hopital to experience the thrill of lying on an hospital trolley for 48 hours. P, which stands for Poots, wants to ban sick people. From now on, if you want to be sick, you must go outside like the smokers do."
"Hold on!" yelled Tommy. "There will soon be more people standing smoking and puking outside, than there is inside."
"News Flash!" I cried. "From next Monday, drinkers, eaters and painters using toxic paint, must too stand outside."
"What about the library?" said Tommy.
"Outside," I said.
"Mothers giving birth?" said Tommy.
"Outside" I answered.
"Grave diggers?" said Tommy.
"Inside," I said. "With the exception of bank holidays, Pancake Tuesday and the Queen's two birthdays."
"Tiny, little tots of wains?" said Tommy.
"Outside" I said.
"Up with this I shall not put!" yelled Tommy. "I will not live in an alfresco society."
"OUTSIDE!" I yelled. "Anyone showing anger, envy, pride, or insufferable smugness must also go, outside."
As Tommy headed for the door he said, "What does Matt Baggott think of all this?"
"Let me read you a line from Baggott's briefs," I said.
"Anyone found milling about outside will be rounded up and banged up, inside." "STOP! the world, I want to get off!" yelled Tommy. I pressed down hard on the brakes and dropped Tommy off outside Eason's shop. What a lot of people I saw there, reading, smoking, eating, vomiting, painting and getting angry on the street. The big society? More like the big screw-up!!!!