Back To The Future

Great show yesterday Kid. Tommy my cat said,that,such is your popularity,no cat would even consider kittling, between the hours of half past ten and twelve o'clock. High praise indeed. Unlike Tubby Nolan whose gulderings and slabbering bring on premature kittling. Tubby Nolan is known to the female,feline population as, The-Inducer. Tommy carefully removed a pane of glass, by hurling a brick through it and said,
"So, old belt and braces can't breathe when getting his eyes tested. Why should that be?"
"Onions," I said. "Mr Coyle is the premier onion eater in Stroke City. Mr Coyle's love of onions knows no bounds. he has been known to snatch an onion out of a baby's hand. In the Latin quarter of Stroke City,when they see Mr Coyle coming, the people throw up their hands and scream,
"Mamma-Mia, here comes old cheese and onion!"
"Tut-Tut," said Tommy. "What a legacy to leave to ones loved ones. Why, Mr Coyle is a veritable, mobile weapon of mass destruction."
"He is that!" I yelled. "And his choice of gansies is-puerile! Puerile in the extreme!"
Tommy peered at me like a young feline Fagan and lisped,
"Well, my pretty,who are you going to vote for on Thursday my dear?"
"JIM ALLISTER!" I yelled. "I like the cut of Jim's jib. Jim's jib appeals to me. Of all the jibs on show,Jim's jib stands out, as the jib with the WOW factor. Jim Alister," I yelled,"has a jib, by jingo, that would knock all other jibs into a cocked hat. So on Thursday, I shall vote-Jim Alister because I like the cut of Jim's jib."
Tommy rubbed his hands together and said,
"And tell me, my dear, what are Jim Alister's policies?"
"BACK TO THE FUTURE" I yelled. "On Friday morning, when Jim Allister gets the reins of power,the first thing he will do is reopen the Delorean factory and take us all back to the future,where wrongs shall be righted and a NEW-IMPROVED Northern Ireland created. A new Northern Ireland!" I yelled. "A land of peace and plenty. A land of milk and honey. A land of wee Fergie tractors and flat caps. A land of fresh milk and wee baps. A land of ploughing competitions and flower arranging. A land of flax mills and Sunday school. A land of virtuous, demure, young women and strong, sturdy young men with corduroy forks on their trousers. A land....."
"A LAND THAT TIME FORGOT1" cried Tommy.
"Exactly!" I yelled"Vote Jim Alister and walk proudly with head high, back into the past."
"And all because the lady liked the cut of Jim's jib," muttered Tommy.