Why We Have A Queen.

Great show yesterday kid. To make up for the absence of Mr Coyle, Tommy my cat and I kept interrupting you and yelling, "There's nothing about that! You're a liar! and Ah, your drawers!" Tommy grabbed me by the leg and yelled, "Hi! Hi! Did you see the big flotilla of boats going down the Thames?" I waved a tangerine union jack and replied, "Very impressive, but had the Spanish Armada turned up as planned, it would have been one hell of a kerfuffle!" "The Queen's really back with a bang!" said Tommy. "And she makes people do the funniest things. Whole streets of families sitting outside in the rain, waving flags, eating roast beef and carrots and singing, "God save the Queen." Why do we have a monarch?" asked Tommy. "WHY? WHY? WHY?" "We are not alone in having a Queen," I said. "The ants have one as do the bees. Tommy pondered and said, "I have never seen the Queen carry eggs on her head, or produce honey." "Perhaps not," I said, "but the Queen does fulfil a basic need for her people. People in the main are lost, lonely, pathetic wretches, cast adrift on the sea of life. We need someone we can rally round and look up to. The Queen, is our surrogate mother. When times are bad, the people surround Buckingham Palace. The Queen sees their distress and sends an old, doddering butler down to the gates of Buckingham Palace to read this royal proclamation. "My dear subjects, one has noted your fear and distress. I too am worried and indeed, fearful for the future of this great country. My message to you today is, Go home and prepare for trouble, but don't panic! Don't panic! One doesn't want you to-panic!" "Now I see why we have a Queen," said Tommy. "If Boris Johnson said that, the people would just laugh at him. Stall the weddin'!" yelled Tommy. "If the people need someone to look up to, THEN, logic dictates that the people also want someone to look down on. Who is that person?" cried Tommy. "I gotta know! Who is he?" I tried to distract Tommy by saying, "I see Mr Coyle, is away on holidays." Tommy, gave a leap and screamed, "It's HIM! Mr Coyle is the one that people look down on! Now, all is clear. Mr Coyle and the Queen are two sides of the same coin. Spin the coin, if it's heads, that means the Queen and you win, if it's tails, that's Mr Coyle and you lose big time." "Tommy!" I yelled. "Don't go putting that story round the ghetto." "I'm going to tell everyone!" yelled Tommy. "Sean Coyle, is the anti Queen!" I looked towards Buckingham Palace, saluted smartly and cried, "I really love you Queenie, you are the bestest Queen in the world. If that doesn't bring me a gong," I muttered, "I'll write to Angela Merkel, down in Dublin. When are they going to change the road signs? When are they going to change the road signs to German? SNELL! SNELL! SNELL!!!!