Prepare For Much Gloating If England Go All The Way!!!

Great show yesterday kid. Like the great magician you are, you produced coloured ribbons, flowers and rabbits out of thin air. Your assistant, the lovely Sean Coyle, wearing a pair of laddered fishnet tights, moved about gracefully, making strange, magic waves and passes with his rough, calloused hands. What a cheer went up when you put the lovely Mr Coyle in a box and made him disappear! What a groan when you brought him back again! Tommy my cat, kicked the asbestos out of a stuffed, cuddly toy, depicting, Jim Allister and yelled, "Did you see it? Did you see it? Bono, escorting the Burmese, Lady, San Suu Kyi, around Ireland and Russel Brand, being all pally with Tibet's finest, the Dali Lama?" "I could not believe my specsaver glasses," I cried. "How I cringed when Bono, described San Suu Kyi, as having an air of silent serenity around her." "Russel Brand," yelled Tommy, "called the Dali Lama, my old pal and Tibetan playmate!" "Worse is to come!" I roared. "It has just been announced that none other then Jimmy Cricket will escort the Queen round Northern Ireland. Can you imagine it? "Come 'ere your Majesty, there's more. It is my honour to introduce you to Mr Martin McGuinness. Come on McGuinness, don't stand there like Shay Given, shake the wee woman's hand.". "What next?" roared Tommy. "Jedward, dancing with the Pope in the Vatican Square?" "Thongs and standards are dropping," I said. "I blame George Galloway and Mrs Brown's boys.". "Mrs Brown's Boys, is a disgrace to Catholic Ireland. There's no sex in Ireland, never has been and never will be. Irish children are found under whin bushes. Hence the old saying. "Keep away from the whins, if you don't want a little prick!" To the holy, Irish nation, sex is just a number between five and seven." "What do we want?" cried Tommy. "Chastity! When do we want it? As soon as we lock our chastity belts!" "QUICK!" I yelled. "Turn on RTE, the returning football team are touring Dublin in an open-topped German troop carrier. Anglea Merkel will present each member of the team with a green, plastic, iron cross." "Bet Shay Given drops his!" said Tommy. I gritted my teeth, clasped my legs together, but was forced to concur in a darkened corner. "Tommy, trembled all over and whispered, "England have just beat the Ukraine. Wayne Rooney scored the only goal. What will happen if England go all the way and become European champions?" I leapt to my feet and yelled, "In that case, GO HOME! and prepare for-gloating!!!! Much, much-gloating!".