An Excess Of Television!

Great shows last week kid. With Mr Coyle off to Rome to kiss the Pope's ring, the sound of silence was blissful. Could not Ken sit in while Mr Coyle is away and regale us with stories about crossed wires and his favourite, yellow screwdriver, presented to him by Greg Dyke, for service beyond the call of duty? Hearing Ken's rich, baritone voice on the radio would, I believe, give me the strength to carry on. Tommy my cat, opened his wallet, took out a photograph of Mrs Bunty Hoven, of 27 Knicker Crescent, winked and said, "How do TV moguls expect me to watch Euro 2012, The Olympic Games and Big Brother, all at the same time?" "You will just have to make time!" I yelled. "Don't you DARE stand there talking about television saturation. I come from a generation which remembers the potter's wheel and the test card. My family, used to sit and watch the test card for hours and if anyone dared speak, dear daddy would throw a potted plant at them, usually a busy lizzie, or a lazy lupin." "Up with this I shall not put!" screamed Tommy. "I shall get a doctor's sick note, prohibiting me from watching an excess of television." "That's right!" I yelled. "Run away. Leave the TV watching to others. You make me sick, you conscientious objector!" "I did my bit!" roared Tommy. "Ten series of Desperate Housewives, Roots, The American Civil War and umpteen reruns of, Only Fools and horses. I did my bit mate. I have nothing to be ashamed of. At one time I was the only one watching, "Give My Head Peace." "Scaredy cat!" I yelled. "Afraid of a little football match, or a pole vaulter. Get out of my sight you, you,------selective viewer!" "Don't you DARE call me that!" yelled Tommy. "I bit the bullet and watched, Lesser Spotted Ulster, starring, exhuberant, white head, Joe Mahon." "Give that cat a purple heart!" I cried, and I excused Tommy from all summer TV extravagazas. Instead, Tommy will read, "War and peace" by Senator George Mitchell.