Cause and Effect or Design and Circumstance?

Great show yesterday kid.
A great show with dotted the Is, crossed the Ts and wisely skirted the Ps.
How Tommy my cat and I laughed when you continually interrupted Mr Coyle at the start of the show.
"Stop interrupting me!" yelled the grotesque golfer.
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black, or the clock calling the watch, a wee skitter.
Tommy opened his robe,inspected his bikini line, decided it would do for another week and sat down to a breakfast of kippers, orange juice and gooseberries which, unlike Tommy's bikini line, had been professionally Brazilianly waxed.
After breakfast Tommy sat me down on a King George the 27th coronation po and said,
"You don't seem any more intelligent after going to night school for six months during the Winter."
I glanced at Lance the goldfish to see how to gulp and whispered,
"I never went to night school. I'm afraid of the dark. When you thought I was at night school I was pole dancing at the Polish ex-service men's club in Rinty Monaghan Street.".
"Cause and effect," said Tommy as he walked up and down. "Design and circumstance. Smart, intelligent people and old wrinkled, wizened ratbags."
Tommy spun round and yelled,
"Do you know how the kangaroo got its name?"
I stared at the floor, which just by chance was under my feet and said,
"I suppose the kangaroo got its name when it was christened,just like the rest of us."
"Long, long ago," said Tommy,"two men stood in the bush in Australia. One was an Aborigine, the other was a sheet metal worker from Bolton, England. Suddenly, a strange animal burst out of the bush. The man from Bolton said to the Aborigine,
"Eeh by gum, that animal has reet put the wind up me. Eeh, I've come over all queer. What do folk around here call that strange animal?"
The Aborigine said, "Kangaroo", which is Aborigine for, "I don't know!"
"It's a reet rum do," said the man from Bolton and he went home and told everyone about the strange animal called a kangaroo.
"Cause and effect," said Tommy."Design and circumstance."
"Big Tommy smarty pants!" I yelled. "How did a duck get its name then?"
"An involuntary, verbal, outburst,"said Tommy,"from a caveman, when a big, fat mallard drake flew at his head."
And do you know something, I looked it up and it's TRUE?
But what puzzles me about the whole thing is, why did the man from Bolton not go to the foot of his stairs???
It's a well known fact,that the people of Bolton spent 76% of their time at the foot of their stairs going, "Eeh by gum," and "Think on lad, think on."