S.O.C. Nigh!

Four great shows last week kid.
Tommy my cat drew YET another outline of a body with chalk on the floor and said,
"I am worried about dear Christine Bleakley. Her early morning show has only got 600,000 viewers."
I stopped wall-papering the wheelie-bin and yelled,
"Well shiver my timbers and call me Rhonda. That works out at 300,000 viewers for Christine and 300,000 viewers for Mr Personality, Adrian Chiles."
"Indeed," said Tommy. "And when you further share out the over-all viewing figures with the tea lady and the production staff, you are nearly down to single digits."
"Something must be done!" I cried. "We can't let Christine go down like the Titanic!
We must take to the streets. We must protest.
SOC!" I roared.
"SOC. Save our Christine!"
"CMBS!" yelled Tommy.
"CMBS! Christine must be saved!"
"Nigh, Nigh, NIGH!" screamed Jim Rodgers.
"CIFUAMBGPT!"
"CIFUAMBGPT! Christine is from Ulster and must be given preferential treatment!"
If you are looking for a snappy slogan Jim Rodgers is your man. He went to school you know. There are witnesses who saw him going AND coming back.
No wonder the people of North Belfast never worry about an over-flowing toilet. They just make a cup of tea and say, "JIM WILL FIX IT!"
Tommy assembled an Ikea flat-pack court and said,
"Was Mr Coyle a SCAB for working last Friday?"
"YES!" I yelled. "Mr Coyle faced cats and pigeons to turn up for work on Friday, proving,if proof were needed, that the blood of Arthur Scargill does not run in his veins."
Tommy brought his gravel down on my head and yelled,
"I find Mr Coyle GUILTY of working and the sentence of this court is, that Mr Coyle be ostracized from decent, doing the double, income support, DLA society."
"Hauld on!" I yelled. "Hauld on! Ostracization is a bit hard. Why not give him 50 lashes instead of making him dress up in an ostrich costume like Bernie Clifton?"
"Clear the court," yelled Tommy,"before you find yourself up for obstruction!"
"Since when has constipation been a crime?" I yelled. I was dragged out by four members of the Vatican Swiss Guard.
They kept that one quiet,I say, they kept that one quiet.
Members of the Vatican Swiss Guard coming over here and taking our jobs.
ARE THE DUP ASLEEP???