A SAD DAY

Great shows this week kid. Tommy my cat sat beside the radio dressed as Lady Godiva and whimpered,
"What a sad day this is! Deary, deary me. What a sad, sad day."
I sat in the corner weeping, surrounded by scores of gnashing false teeth. I was blubbering into a pair of Crisp and Dry adult diapers. I blew my nose-"HONK!" and said,
"Sadness has overcome me like- like a cloud of frogspawn and left me bereft of joy and merriment. Amen, amen I say onto you, I have never felt so sad, since the day my late daddy peed on a high-voltage, electric cable. They never found him. He was incinerated in a blinding, urine-perfumed flash."
"I remember the headline in the Sunday World." said Tommy.
"Flasher hoist by his own pee-tard."
"I still remember dearest mummy's last words," I sighed.
"Put it away Percy!" she screamed. "PUT IT AWAY!"
But put it away, dear daddy did not and soon there was nothing left to put away."
Suddenly Tommy threw himself on the floor, began to kick and fling and screamed,
"Ah Gerry, Gerry, Gerry! Don't go! In the name of all that's holy, DON'T GO! Don't leave this lump of a cat, who loves you like a mother. AAH! 'tis sad my old heart is today, so it is. My darling boy is sailing far, far away from the emerald isle, leaving me grieving and keening like a banshee with toothache. AAAH! AAAH! The pain of parting 'tis breaking my heart, so it is. Musha alana and mother McCree!"
"That's quite enough of the stage Irish cat!" I yelled.
"Pull yourself together! I have hired a caravan in Wales for the month of August. Just think, you and I will be able to see Mary Hopkins and Max Boyce every night."
Tommy leapt to his feet, had a leek in the corner and yelled,
"Barry John at Wembley, boyo and I was there! Cliff Jones at Cardiff Park, boyo and I was there! Wales at Murrayfield, boyo and I wasn't there. Didn't have the money see, didn't have the money see. RAIN!" yelled Tommy, "falling on grey, slate roofs and all the tidy housewives snoring and breaking wind, while their menfolk lumber like beasts of burden towards the dark, cold pit. And I wasn't there either boyo. I went to university see. Do not go gently into that good night!" yelled Tommy.
But I ignored the feline's advice and went out into the garden and watered the lupins and petunias the way nature intended.
"You're a veritable camel," I muttered, as I walked, wide-legged from flower bed to flower bed.
"A veritable camel."
HAPPY TRAILS KID!