FALSE TEETH RIOTS

Great show yesterday Kid. A show which greatly eased the tension at the "Last Stop" old folks' home in Belfast. As you know' feelings were running high after the Friday night bingo riots. Social services have stepped in and ruled that all bingo callers must be fitted with a working pair of false gnashers. Little did Paddy, "the Weasel" McFlipper know, the trouble that was to follow, when he picked out ball number 33 and roared out, "dirty pee".
Old biddys went berserk. Old codgers yelled,
"Up with this, I shall not put!"
The police were called and in the melee that followed, four tumblers containing false teeth were smashed and a colostomy bag exploded with great violence. Order has now been restored, thanks to your great show and lots and lots of Diazepam and Temazepam.
Tommy my cat and I found Tubby Nolan sitting in the lotus position in the long grass and weeds behind the Greta Garbo school for wayward boys and girls. Tubby was gnawing at a soup bone and reading a book called. "Things All Fat Boys Should Know."
Tubby looked up, by ceasing to look down and guldered,
"Did you know the human body is 90% water?"
"In that case," quipped Tommy, "that would make you the second biggest reservoir in Belfast.".
"90% water," said Tubby,"no wonder I gurgle when I walk"
"Tubby old chap," said Tommy, "are you aware of the moon's gravitational pull?"
"By jingo" yelled Tubby, lumbering to his feet, "everytime there is a full moon, all the water rushes to my head and I feel like my noggin's going to explode. Help me!" screamed Tubby."How can I reduce the vast amount of water in my body?"
"Simples," said Tommy. "You must utilize the overflow mechanism that nature provided."
"I can't spend all my time in the toilet!" roared Tubby.
I snapped my fingers, which started a bush fire and yelled,
"You don't have to. Tommy and I will help you."
Soon Tubby was on his way, fitted with a length of tubing leading into two Coke bottles taped to his legs. I believe he was kept for three days at Belfast International Airport, trying to convince the police he was not a suicide bomber.
BUMMER!