ROLLING IN THE AISLE

Great show yesterday kid, no matter what the people say. A great show made all the more memorable by Mr Coyle walking like Alex Higgins.
"Look!" yelled Tommy my cat, pointing to the radio. "Did you ever see anything so funny? I bet Mr Coyle could also walk like John Wayne."
"And John Inman too," I said, according to the residents of Saint Crispin's home for lame and crippled, funny walkers."
"I like Mr Coyle," said Tommy. "I don't know why. I guess it's just.. something 'bout the way he walks attracts me like no other."
"END OF!" I yelled, before Tommy said something he would regret later.
I looked at Tommy by focusing my eyes on the feline and said,
"Tommy, attend me, have you seen the new comedy show, Stand up for the week? Oh, it's so funny Tommy. I installed an aisle at the back of the house so I could roll in it."
Tommy made a pukey face and replied,
"It's aggressive comedy. I don't like aggressive comedy. Give me Laurel and Hardy, Robinson and McGuinness, Charlie Chaplin-even Edwin Poots. I long for a more-gentle time. A time when a young gentleman would place his hoodie over a puddle hole to let a fair damsel cross the street. A time when a man would say to his wife,
"Verily my dear, I am hefted. But I shall abide in my chamber, while YOU use the chamber pot and, if the worst comes to the worst, there is always the urn containg your dear papa's ashes on the mantelpiece."
"POETRY!" I cried. "Pure Mills and Boon."
I crouched low, lowered my voice and whispered,
"Tommy, do you think Daniel O'Donnell has, you know, got some visage reconstruction?"
Tommy sauntered over to a chair so he could put his hands in his pockets. His little, tartan strides were hanging over the back of the chair. Tommy smoothed the pleats over the high, falsetto fork and said,
"I would describe Daniel O'Donnell as a work in progress. He has had a little done, but most of the heavy duty stuff is still to come."
"In the name of Saint Patrick and all his snakes!" I yelled. "What will Danny Boy end up looking like, at tall, at tall, at tall?"
"A NEW MAN!" yelled Tommy. "A man who would not look out of place on Vulcan, or Jupiter, but who would be stoned in most parts of Donegall and surrounding districts."
"DAN, DAN, THE ALIEN MAN," I laughed and I ran to my aisle for a good roll.
I blame Majella! Oh yes missus, I blame-Ma!