A Bad Trip, Man

Great show yesterday Kid. It was a pleasure and a joy to be among the listening public. What it must feel like to put out such a great show! Well it must give you and the staff the greatest pleasure you have ever had with your clothes on and I include Janet and Emma in that heartfelt sentiment.
After the great show I turned to Tommy my cat and said,
"Tommy, you know the great regard I have for Gerry?"
"That's a given," replied Tommy,who was was sitting cross-legged on the kitchen table,stitching together a small green suit for St Patrick's Day.
"And you know how much I love Gerry?" I went on. "I love Gerry Anderson like a brother,like a sister,lLike the mad, crazy aunt I never had. I love Gerry Anderson like a cuddly puppy, like an errant child,like a jar of tadpoles."
"I concur with every word utterised," said Tommy,"but can you get to the point before we are beaten by the old clock on the wall?"
I stuck out my tongue and shook my fist at the old clock on the wall and said,
"Insomuch as I love Gerry,it would be remiss of me not to express my deep misgivings about the upcoming bus trip."
"Well, bend me over and paddle my rear with a table tennis bat!" said Tommy.
"That comment has fair knocked me for six so it has. I must act devil's advocate here and ask you to vocalise your misgivings."
"The bus trip is going to be a FIASCO," I yelled. "a DEBACLE! It's going to be a bad trip-man!"
Tommy looked up and said, "At this juncture, I feel compelled to ask-WHY?"
"Because of all the junk they are going to take with them!" I screamed.
"Can you imagine the amount of scrap iron that will be on that bus, led by Mr Coyle and his-mangle, Janet flourishing a rubber bullet, Gerry with his little secret thing? And have you any idea," I roared, "just how much room a diagonal steam trap takes up?"
"They can put the diagonal steam trap on the back seat," said Tommy.
"And what will they do if two or--THREE people turn up with diagonal steam traps?" I shrieked.
"You could tie quite a number of diagonal steam traps on the roof of a bus," said Tommy.
"I can see it now," I said, biting a nail I found on the floor. "Old women turning up with unexploded World War Two shells, zinc baths, flat irons and Ulster's piece of resistance in the world of art and culture... the dustbin lid."
"Ah, the dustbin lid!" smiled Tommy. "Ulster's early warning system, often copied, but never bettered. I would say, if anything sums up Ulster over the past 50 years, it would be the dustbin lid."
"Can you imagine what the little hoodies will do?" I yelled. "They will race after the bus singing, "Any Old Iron." Gerry and Sean are going to come out of this looking like Steptoe and son."
"It's for a good cause," said Tommy.
"What good cause?" I yelled.
"I don't know," said Tommy, "but if the BBC is involved,you can bet it is for a good cause."
Suddenly Tommy turned pale. He looked at me and whispered,"Who's going to take--THE THING?"
I recoiled, like someone who had spent all their life learning to-recoil and yelled,
"TUBBY, Tubby Nolan will be on the bus!"
Tommy screamed high, long and loud and shrieked, "The bus trip is going to be a FIASCO! A DEBACLE!. A bad trip-man!"
"Tommy," I chided,"don't be such a wet blanket. Have faith. If anyone can turn this pig's ear into a silk purse it's---David Blaine..and Gerry too of course, nd Mr Coyle and Emma and Janet and her rubber bullet."
So if a bus passes you clanking with old junk, give a wave. It will be Gerry and a cargo of old iron and diagonal steam traps! Ah, don't you just love history? Recalling today the things we did yesterday for those who will come tomorrow. I think that's how it works. I may be smart, but I did not invent the diagonal steam trap.
One would need to be a rocket scientist to do THAT!