Tommy's Verdict On The Budget

I yelled, "Karamba!" and turned off the TV by throwing a brick through the screen. I walked over to the fire, put my legs, or was it my hands behind my back and said to Tommy the cat, "Well Tommy, that's another budget over, please give me your feline informed opinion." Tommy took off his eye shade, laid his calculator down and replied, "TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE." I stood there in amazement. Never had I heard a more decorous or debonair summing up of a budget from a cat. I breathed on my nose, polished it with a Brillo pad and said, "And what would you say is bonny wee Gordon Brown's greatest fault?" Tommy took a pinch of snuff from the eight stone bag in the corner of the room and said, "Mr Brown is reactive, but what he really should be is-proactive." "How so?" I said as I counted my feet, divided by two and found to my surprise that the answer was-one. "Mr Brown put up the price of drink," said Tommy, "but I say, too little, too late. The time to put up the price of drink, was on Saint Patrick's day, when the students in the Holy Lands, were lying in gardens like veritable newts. Mr Brown is a follower, not a leader," said Tommy, "He reminds me of the General in the French revolution, who, looking out of the window said, "There go my men, I must follow, because I am their leader." I cut my knuckle so I could pick at the scab and said, "Why are you so smart Tommy?" "I read a lot," said Tommy, "Keep my ear to the ground, my tail in the air and my money in the Post Office. I must go out," said Tommy, "To listen at eves, talk to strangers at street corners and meet Sore Throat in the under ground car park." When Tommy had gone I felt so-alone, so-unwanted. So I set fire to the house and soon was laughing and talking to a group of black-faced firemen. You've got to use your noodle in this life, but you can't use a noodle to set fire to a house. Oh no, that's where a match comes in handy. All this and more have I seen at Nolan Manor, where the cobble stones are made from pastry and the swimming pool is full of ice cream soda. When it comes to using the noodle, Steven Nolan is streets ahead of the common man.