Talk of Sick Accordions and Upturned Turtles!

Great show yesterday kid. To hear Mr Coyle wax lyrically about egg spoons was delightful in the extreme. "The things which come into that man's head," said Tommy my cat, "would baffle anyone who ever passed the eleven plus." "Leave wee Sean alone!" I cried. "He is labouring under many handicaps His blind bats are in bed with rabies and the chain has come off his black, 1942, Raleigh bicycle." "He is irrelevant, leave him!" cried Tommy. I looked at the old accordion, lying in the corner, wheezing most horribly and covered with blankets. Tommy, stifled a sob and said, "That accordion is in pain, phone the vet and get it put down." "NEVER!" I cried. "My late daddy was presented with that accordion when he moved from the dole to the old age pension. For over twenty years dear daddy, tried and failed to play it. THEN! just before he breathed his last breath, he sat bolt upright in bed and cried. Eureka I should have un-fastened the two little straps which hold it together!" Dear mummy cried, "Praise the Lord! He has regained his sanity." The undertaker yelled, "What will he do, take the money, or go in the box?" And soon, dear pappa had shift shaped into a small grave with a tombstone asking, "WHY?" I squinted at the screen on my gooseberry, (it's just like a blackberry, only green) and said, " A text from the chubby little fingers of Tubby Nolan. He wants to meet us at the old abandoned mill." There was trouble at'mill. Tubby had slipped on wet grass, fallen on his back, like a giant turtle and couldn't get up again. "Don't just stand there!" yelled Tubby, "Help me to my feet!" Tommy and I sprang into action. We each grabbed a leg of Tubby's trousers and pulled like King Billy-oh. Tubby's massive trousers came down like an avalanche, revealing his giant Y-fronts, a complicated contraption of straps, belts and a fibre glass gusset. Only for the arrival of a bus load of Japanese tourists, we would never have righted the Easter island statue. A small Japanese man, pointed at Tubby with his trousers round his ankles and said, "AH SO" I nodded my head and said, "Yes, I would say about 90% AH SO!"