Water on The Brain.

Great show yesterday kid. A great show which stopped an angry mob of old codgers from shuffling to the Royal hospital and demanding free catheters.
"Look at our Eli!" croaked an old codger. "His grey, flannel, 28 inch inside leg trousers are saturated beyond redemption." Tommy my cat sat and listened intently as Mr Coyle pulled and yanked at his ear.
"Water on the brain," said Tommy.
"Big red bus!" I yelled. "Mr Coyle's head has turned into a veritable reservoir. Is there NO cure known to man, beast, or insect??" Before Tommy could answer, an old codger took another brick from the wall and yelled, "Stick a catheter up his nose, it did wonders for our Eli!" SO! if you meet a man with two candles hanging from his nose, judge ye not!--it may be Mr Coyle.
I was hunkered down in front of Easons pretending I was very small when the sky darkened, bits of plaster fell from buildings, crows and seagulls took to the air and a hoarse, guttural voice began to roar,
" I am BIG in Tombstone City, I am BIG in Tennessee, I was BIG in Weight Watchers until they got shot of me!"
I leaped to my feet and cried, " Lo, what fat fiend approaches, arrayed in Patrick Moore suit and lavender ankle socks?" A smirk appeared on the vast, barren landscape that was Tubby Nolan's face and the oval one roared,
"Greetings yokel, 'tis I, Tubby Nolan, king of comedy and allround good egg. Riddle me this. What is the difference between Tubby Nolan and the Titanic?"
"I know not good sire," I replied. "What is the difference between the arch knave, Tubby Nolan and the good ship Titanic?"
Tubby tittered, well, it was Patrick Moore's suit and yelled,
The difference between Tubby Nolan and the Titanic is, I KEEP COMING BACK!!!"