Breaking News

Great show yesterday kid. A great show which caused an old codger to stop and think before sticking a wet finger into an electric socket. The old codger pondered, ruminated and considered. Then with a hoarse yell of, "GERONIMO" he rammed a wet digit into the socket and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
"It's how dad would have wanted to go," said the old codger's 69 year old son Jasper, who teaches belly-dancing twice a week at the local old folks' home.
Don't blame yourself kid. Just remember, life turned him that way.
Tommy my cat, wearing a lovely, off-the-shoulder cassock tripped gaily into the room and sang, "I'm gonna lay down a little burden, down by the riverside."
"Make sure you kick dirt over it when you're finished!" I yelled.
"I always do!" cried Tommy. "Unlike you, I don't pull the chain, laugh and say, "Well, it's the city's problem now."
With Tommy gone I ran at all four walls with my head, seeking any cracks or structural damage. I had some misgivings about wall No 3, so I lowered my head and ran at it time and time again. When I came round I was able to put a little tick for all four walls.
Just before the big hand reached two and the little hand lay on the broad of its back in the clock case, Tommy came running in, cassock flying behind him and shrieked, "Breaking news regarding old fatso, Tubby Nolan!"
"Do tell!" I screamed, while reclining gracefully on a rusty heap of scrap iron. "Well!" said Tommy, crossing both arms under his non-existent bosom, "Her at No 27, who is married to Manuel Garcia, who owns the Chinese restaurant on Rodent Street, was told in confidence by Maggie Hitler, the would be rat catcher, that Steven Nolan turned up at Ryan air with NO luggage and STILL had to pay for excess baggage.
"I warned him!" I yelled. "I told Tubby that Michael O'Leary issued a bulletin stating, "If Tubby Nolan puts on another stone, throw him in the cargo hold."
"Best place for him," said Tommy. "Should a Ryan air jet get into trouble it will be quite easy to jettison Tubby from the cargo hold. This would give the plane sufficient fuel to make a soft landing in Cullybaccy."
Tubby Nolan is eating in the last chance junk food outlet!