Ulster Bank Try Turning The Computers Off And On Again!!!!

Great show yesterday kid. A great show, made all the greater when Barclay's, Bob Diamond, decided to pack his bags and get out of town. "Bob was a diamond geezer," said Tommy my cat. "He never hurt his own, only the general public." I looked at Tommy and said, "Did you know crooks are biting their nails, waiting for the Ulster bank to get their house in order so they can rob it?" Tommy, opened the window and yelled, "Get out of here! I'll tell your mother, you were playing football in the street!" "Young policemen again?" I asked. "Yes," said Tommy. "I blame the quota system, I bet 40% of them were Catholics." I stood on two tins of Lyle's golden syrup and cried, "The banks are on a suicide mission. One after the other, like lemmings and lemons they leap off the cliff. WHY?" I screamed, "WHY?" Tommy stood in front of the fire, stern of visage and cried, "There is only one man to blame and that man IS....."Tommy rolled a small drum down the floor and yelled, "Prime Minister, Harold Wilson!!!" I reeled back,fell against a nest of tables and cried, "Harold Wilson? Huddersfield's finest, pipe smoker of the year, the man who said things in Blackpool, THAT, Harold Wilson?" "YES!" cried Tommy. "The bankers of today, are blinded by the white, hot heat of technology, ignited by-Harold Wilson!!!" "Well, shave my head and call me slap head!" I roared. "Tell all Tommy!" I cried. "Lay bare the relevant facts which brought us to this tarra, banking crisis." "Computers!" yelled Tommy. "At first computers were a great help. Then, as computers got more intelligent and people became more stupid, the computers, began to talk to each other and in 1996, the computers carried out a coup on the banking industry. For the past 16 years," roared Tommy, "computers have been running the banks, without any human help!" "That's good," I cried. "Computers are very reliable." "They are," said Tommy. "Unfortunately, the computers became infected with human greed and began to pile up trillions of pounds in a virtual reality account. The computers, refuse to release the money and, even as we speak, are hacking into people's accounts and making off with their lives savings!" I tore my hair out, ripped my garments, scattered dust on my head and screamed, "Is there nothing we can DO?" Tommy, lit a candle to Saint Jude and said, "There is one thing we haven't tried. Next Monday, in a secret location, George Osbourne will try turning the computers off and on again." "SORTED!" I yelled as I ran off to the Ulster bank to see if the cash machine would accept my kidney donor card.