Historic Handshake Leaves The Air Clean.

Great show yesterday kid. "What a hand shake!" yelled Tommy my cat. "But Martin McGuinness ruined it by shouting, "Nice to see you, to see you nice!" The Queen knew how to handle the situation. She looked into Martin Maguinness's eyes and said, "Ah, Mr McGuinness, so we meet at last!" Then Prince Phillip , hands behind his back, said to Marty, "And what do you DO?" Martin turned white and replied, "I refuse to answer that question, on the grounds that I may incriminate myself!" And they all laughed! "Historic!" yelled Tommy. "Historic, with a capital Hiss." "All the boxes are ticked!" I cried. "No more mountains left to climb. No more hurdles left to leap. Messers, Transparancy and Clarity, have been acknowledged. Long, long ago, the leader of the Unionist Party, a certain Mr James Molly-nucks, called for a period of decontamination. The air is now clean and fresh. The good ship, Ulster, with a new crew, is set fair to sail into the sunset." "Just think," said Tommy, "no more fighting. Now, when we get up and face a new day, we will have no one to hate." "What a long, boring day that's going to be," I muttered, as I went outside and threw my last stone. "Peace in our time," said Tommy, "will not go down well with Ulster's premier blob, Steven Nolan. If people are not hating and fighting, Tubby will have nothing to talk about on radio, or TV. Sure, there's Eamon McCann and Jim Allister, but you can't put those two on every day like the Two Ronnies." "Tubby must retrain," I yelled. "He must learn how to cook, garden and DIY. Tubby, must became a smiling, brain dead, dull eyed, television morning presenter. Tubby, must fashion himself on, Eamon Holmes. Eamon Holmes, can talk about potholes in roads with wild exhilaration, bordering on hysteria." Tubby would make a wonderful cook," said Tommy. "He likes food. If Steven had a show called, "The Bubbly Tubby Chef" people would walk over broken grass to see it. Suckling pig with crisps. Boiled beef and smarties. Quail, stuffed with Mars bars. The world of cooking could be Tubby's lobster." "I think not," I said. "Steven Nolan will now turn his anger on the health service, education and why he finds it so difficult to find trousers with a 62 inch waist." On the count of three, Tommy and I concurred behind separate armchairs.