Home Grown Music

Tommy my cat leaped in the air, clicked his heels together and cried, "TGF, thank God it's Friday. No inane, banal, babbling from Mr Coyle."
"Darn, dash and dandruff!" I yelled. "I was just in the mood for a long, monotonous monologue which would beat about the bush, lead us up the garden path and then take us the long way home."
"Well not today!" cried Tommy. "Today you will get a show which will set you back on your heels, or your toes, it all depends on which way you're standing. A show choc-a-bloc of precise English like what it should be spoken. A show which raises the bar for other shows. And have we got... music? AWAY, We've got music so far out it will knock your socks off and leave you lying under the kitchen sink like a discarded cabbage leaf."
"Looking forward to it," I said, as I pulled my tights up above my head,just for the hell of it.
"Today," said Tommy,"we will have home grown music. Ah! there's nothing like going out into the garden early in the morning and picking a basket of home grown music with the dew still fresh on it."
"I want more BASS!" I yelled. "I want a bass so loud it will rattle my bones, rumble my bowels and produce enough static electricity in my knickers to light up a small town, village or hamlet."
"Be careful of what you wish for," said Tommy. "That amount of electricity would melt the plastic gums of your National Health false teeth and leave you with a gub full of loose, rattling gnashers."
"Bring it on!" I yelled. "I want to hear the, BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM. I took precautions. I have a small lightning rod hanging from both legs of my knickers."
"On your own head be it!" yelled Tommy and he picked up a 1962, sunburst, Fender Precision bass guitar, serial number 2279 and hit me over the head with it!
I fell to the ground groggily singing,
"Hey Mr Bass man, I think you're really with it.
With your Boom-Bomb-Boomie-dee-A.
And your Boom-Boom-Boomie-dee-U.
Then,I saw Leo Fender beckoning me at the end of a bright, white tunnel, beckoning, ever-beckoning!
I like a nice rasher of-beckoning in the morning!