THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY FOR A--B !,

Tommy my cat came running into the house, oh he was in a tizzy, I've seen Tommy in a tizzy before, but this tizzy was bordering on acute, chronic--tizziness.
"Tommy" I yelled "get out of that tizzy, it's scaring me, you know fine well that when I see someone in a tizzy, I go into a tizzy myself." Tommy switched the tizzy off , it slowly ran down, until all the tizzy had tizzied out of it. "That's better" I said, taking off my anti tizzy suit, "Now sit down and tell me, why you rushed into the house in a--tizzy."
Tommy fluttered his arms, I suppose he saw the birds do it, wiggled his ears, fluttered his eye lashes and said, "I'm so excited, I can hardly contain myself." I ran for po and toilet paper and said, "Sit down Tommy lad, I've never seen you so excited since the night you won a tenner on the Lottery, now sit down and take a deep breath, have one of mine, they are menthol flavoured." Tommy took a breath from my box of twenty, breathed in and said, "Ah, that's better, but I shouldn't you know, I'm trying to stop breathing, the doctors say it shortens your life." "Rubbish," I yelled, "my old Granny went through 80 breaths a day and she lived until she was 42. Now sit down and tell me why you were in such a--tizzy."
Tommy reached for another breath and said, "You'll never guess what has happened, great news, great news for Belfast." I went into a-yes, a-tizzy and screamed, "The Titanic is all right, the whole story was just an April fool joke that got out of hand.""No," said Tommy, "the Titanic did go down, but listen, Belfast has got a new--LOGO!"
I went haywire, I screamed, I shrieked, I yelled, I danced, I sang, then I looked at Tommy and said, "What is a-Logo?" "A logo," said Tommy walking around the room, with his thumbs in his braces, "is a-a symbol that symbolizes the symbolic symbolization of the symbol it symbolizes."
"I knew that," I yelled, "it was on the tip of my tongue, but it slipped and got stuck in my false teeth." "Yes," said Tommy, staring out of the window, at a wino being sick, "great times lie ahead for the city of Belfast. With this new logo, Belfast will rise from the ashes, like a magpie and take its rightful place among the great cities of the world. This logo will renew the city and it only cost half a million pounds.". I ran like Groucho Marx for the foot of our stairs. "Half a million pounds?" I shrieked. "Half a million pounds for a logo? Gee, it must be some work of art. I can't wait to see a half a million pound logo. What does it look like Tommy?"
Tommy looked down at his shoes, shifted from foot to foot and mumbled, "Well, it's just a--B."
"A-bee?" I cried, "What has a bumble bee got to do with Belfast?" Tommy shuffled and mumbled "Well, it's not actually a bumble bee, its just the letter--B." Once more, in the guise of Groucho Marx, I ran to the foot of our stairs. "Whose idea was it?" I yelled. "Who had the bright idea to pay half a million pounds for the letter-B?" "It was Jim Rodger's idea," mumbled Tommy.
"I should have known," I yelled. "I suppose we should be grateful that Mr Jimmy Rodgers didn't buy the entire alphabet and bankrupt the city. Wait until I see him," I screamed, "I will give him a piece of my mind, a very small piece mind you but it will come from my mind."
The Jim Rodgers is a wary little creature, very hard to trap but I had a cunning plan. I painted a hole on the pavement with black paint, covered it with twigs and leaves and waited for Jim Rodgers to fall into it. In the middle of the night I was awoken by a loud-thump and a high, excited voice screaming. "Hi, Hi, let me out--NIGH!" I had caught my Jimmy Rodgers.
I stood beside the drawing of a hole and cried, "You are trapped Mr Rodgers, there is no way out. In that deep hole you shall stay for wasting tax-payers' money." "Jim looked up from the depth of the hole and screamed, "You fiend, you-evil-evil fiend. Let me out, let me out--NIGH!"
I peered into the hole, gave an evil laugh and said in a very sinister way, "Come 'ere, there's more, I am going to tell Tubby Nolan that this is a toilet for the use of the public."
Such a scream erupted from the gub of Jim Rodgers. Maybe that will teach him a lesson, for paying half a million pounds for the letter-B, that could stand for Belfast, but could also stand for--BAMBOOZLED. I went on my way with a merry gait that I found in Farmer Giles meadow.

If you need any Rosie Ryan books and let's face it, who doesn't, go to...
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And visit the lady herself at,,www.rosie-ryan.blogspot.com
Writing that took a lot out of me, I think I'll get up and go back to bed and you should do the same, see you under the duvet.