A QUICK FLASH FROM WOMAN WITH CAT

After the Gerry Anderson show, Tommy my cat and I crawled out of the oven and unwrapped the tin foil. "What were you pretending to be Tommy?" I shrieked.
"A snipe called Norman,with just one leg" grinned Tommy. "SNAP!" I yelled "so was I. What are the odds on that?" Tommy ran for his tool-kit, built a lovely pearl grey calculator and said.
"Two million and seven to one". "Darn" I said, slapping my thigh for being a naughty boy.
"Why did I not bet 50 pee with Paddy Power". "I don't know," said Tommy, "the calculator just deals with numbers". Oh how we laughed, we were bent over, with tears streaming down our faces. "The calculator just deals with numbers AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-TEE-HEE-HEE."
Still laughing, I went back to my two piece jig-saw of a green field, I don't think I'll ever finish it, but it keeps me off the roof yelling-CUCKOOO.
Tommy bent to tie the lace on his wellington and said, "Oh, bye the bye, old girl, who put the dead cadaver on the kitchen table?"
"Well I never" I said, "eeh by gum, who'd have thought it, well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs our kid. How did a dead man get on kitchen table? Eeh, I don't know what world@s coming too, if it ain't one thing its t'other, mark my words, bad times is coming, all we need now lad, is trouble at-mill".
Tommy gave a shriek and blessed himself with Glenavon Springs water.
Tommy put on a deer-stalker hat and said, "There are only two options, one, someone put the expired cadaver on the kitchen table and two, the pre-cadaver, climbed up there and died, but which is it?" "If only we had a butler" I cried "We could blame it on him. Jeeves!" I yelled, "Jeeves, Jeeves, Jeeves!" No one answered, but it was worth a try.
Just then, or was it slightly later, a very drunk undertaker staggered in and roared.
"Hey up, what are you two doing with my dead body? I know what your game is" he slurred, "you two are Burke and Hare the body-snatchers". He looked at Tommy and yelled, "You must be Hare" Then he fixed me with his blood-shot occulars and roared "and you look like a right Burke" I was outraged, I ran outside, borrowed a hand, ran back indoors and slapped his face That seemed to bring him to hie senses. "Sorry folks" he said "I remember now, I left the dead one on your table, while I went into the pub for a quick 16 pints" Once again, how we laughed. It was a simple mistake that anyone could make. Who among us, can stand with hand on heart and say, "I have never mislaid a dead body?" Yes, very few, very few, and they are all damned liars.
Steven Nolan and I were playing leap-frog down by the gasworks. I looked at Stephen's large rump, bent over waiting for me to jump. The lad was wearing a large pair of orange trousers.In the setting sun, his rear looked like Ayres Rock. I looked for aborigine drawings, but there was none-the council had probably washed them off.
Then,--high up I saw the secret entrance to a sinister looking cave. What could be in there?-gold? Next time we play leap-frog, I will bring a rope ladder and climb up there.Who knows what's in there? scrolls? mummies? gold? diamonds?. I don't know, but I intend to find out. I wonder should I wear a gas-mask because of the altitude? Yes, better to be safe than sorry.
I may bring a Discovery film crew with me.Tthey could call it....
"Now, we really go, where no man has ever gone before."