Red's Visit To Belfast.

Great show yesterday kid. A great show which brought great relief to old Geronimo Mc Sioux, who has not had a bowel movement since Christmas Eve. old Geronimo, skipped out from the dilapidated outhouse, leaped high in the air, clicked his heels and yelled to his wife, "Yvette! That’sa big load off my mind!"
Yvette came out of the sandbag bunker where she had been hiding and cried. "Glory be, now maybe you'll stop eating them dammed auld ferrero rocher." Geronimo, did a somersault, landed in the splits position, threw his leg on the bicycle and sped off to tell the good news to the people of
Drumquin and surrounding districts. Tommy my cat came into the room and said, "I would like you to meet my cousin Red. As you can see Red is a ginger tom. Red came all the way from Tyrone to visit me.” What a difference there was between the two felines. Tommy looked immaculate in a mustard- yellow ,Italian suit, pale-blue shirt and yellow tie. Red, on the other hand wore blue overalls and a pair of green Wellingtons. "Red," I said, "You’ll have a cup of tea."
"Only if you’re making it," said Red. "I’ll have a cup of tay surely. Oh aye, I’ll have a cup of tay surely to God. It’s a wild, long run on the auld bus from Tyrone. Tyrone is were I live, sort of thing. Aye,
Tyrone among the bushes. Up Tyrone. Aye, up Tyrone sort of thing.”
"What do you think of Belfast?" I asked.
"It’s wild big," said Fred. "Aye, it’s wild big, so it is. Back in Tyrone, the traffic lights are still black and white. God the Tyrone boys would be lost up here, so they would. Lost, baffled and confused,
sort of thing. Aye surely. The pace of life, aye surely, the pace of life is a lot slower back in Tyrone, so it is. Oh aye, it is surely. You could lie in the middle of the road all day and devil a wan would come near you. But things will soon be livening up back in Tyrone. Livening up surely. Soon the lanes and byways will be grid locked with dung spreaders. Oh aye surely. Any man who has dung, will be spreading it with exuberance and fierce abandonment. There’s nothing better the Tyrone boys like than to sit on a stone ditch watching the shi--manure flying. Aye, flying surely, like a cloud of crows, rooks and pigeons." "How is your dear mum doing?” said Tommy.
"Doing fine," said Red. "Aye, doing fine surely to God. Still the best mouser in Tyrone boy. Still the best mouser in Tyrone and when she's at herself she can still catch the odd rat! Oh aye, surely to God, mammy can still put the fear of God into any kitten who is acting the gulpin. Oh, aye surely. Mammy abhors gulpins and gulpinish behaviour."
"Is there any thing you want to particularly see while you're in Belfast?" I said.
"There is by God," said Red. "Oh aye, there is surely. I want to see Tubby Nolan, the boy who struts around like the cat who got all the cream." That was easy to fix. So we fixed it!!!