MLAs Spielberg and a Laughing Cat!

GREAT SHOW YESTERDAY KID. A GREAT SHOW WHICH DROVE THE MLAS OUT OF
THE SAUNA AND HOT TUBS. THERE THEY SAT, NAKED, EXCEPT FOR TWO PIECES
OF CUCUMBER OVER THEIR EYES. JIM ALLISTER, WHO HAD BEEN TAKING A SEA
WEED BATH, LOOKED LIKE NEPTUNE AS HE SAT THERE WITH RIBBONS OF KELP
HANGING FROM HIM. SAMMY WILSON, RUBBED E45 CREAM INTO HIS BABYSOFT
BUM AND CHUCKLED, "BOYS, THAT'S A GREAT AULD SONG ABOUT JOE MAHON."
GERRY KELLY, WIPED STEAM FROM HIS GLASSES AND MUTTERED, "I FEEL
VULNERABLE, A'CHARAS. I FEEL THE EYES OF BRITISH SECURICRATS ON MY NAKED,
CATHOLIC BODY." THEN NIGEL DODDS AND WEE BARRY McELDUFF, BEGAN TO FLICK
EACH OTHERS' BEHIND WITH WET TOWELS AND SOON THE HIGHLY-PAID
POLITICIANS WERE ROLLING ROUND THE FLOOR LIKE A LITTER OF YOUNG PIGS.
MICHAEL McGIMPSEY SLIPPED ON A PAIR OF UNDERTAKER-BLACK, BOXER SHORTS
AND MUTTERED, "THIS IS HOW THE ROMAN EMPIRE FELL. TOO MUCH FRIVOLITY
AND FUN. I DON'T LIKE-FUN!"
IN A FURY I THREW, "1,000,000 FILMS YOU MUST SEE BEFORE YOU DIE" INTO
THE FIRE AND YELLED, "HAS STEVEN SPIELBERG LOST HIS COTTON-PICKING
MIND?" TOMMY MY CAT, PUT DOWN, "GREAT CRAIC IN SPAIN" by DANIEL
O'DONNELL AND SAID,
"WHAT'S GOT UP YOUR HOOTER THEN?"
"STEVEN SPIELBERG!" I YELLED. "HE'S ONLY GONE AND MADE A FILM ABOUT
PIPE TOBACCO CALLED,"WAR HORSE".
TOMMY SIGHED, AND SAID, "THE FILM,"WAR HORSE" IS NOT ABOUT PIPE
TOBACCO. "WAR HORSE", IS THE HEART-WARMING STORY ABOUT A YOUNG BOY AND
JOEY HIS PET HORSE. DURING THE FIRST WORLD WAR, JOEY, FUELED UP BY
ROUSING SPEECHES AND BRASS BANDS, DECIDES, HASTILY TO SIGN UP AND JOIN
THE HORSE CALVARY. THE FILM SHOWS THE LOVE BETWEEN A YOUNG MAN AND
HORSE EVEN IN THE MIDST OF WAR, CARNAGE AND A GREAT SHORTAGE OF WOMEN'S
NYLON STOCKINGS."
I PONDERED 50%, RUMINATED, 59% AND SAID,
"YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NOW. JOEY THE HORSE WILL BE ON THE
NEXT SERIES OF, "STRICTLY COME DANCING".
"SO WHAT?" SAID TOMMY. "WOULD YOU STAND BETWEEN A HORSE AND HIS
CHANCE OF FAME?" "BESIDES," SAID TOMMY, "I AM SURE JOEY, WILL BE MUCH
MORE GRACEFUL THAT EITHER JOHN SERGEANT OR ANN WIDDECOMBE!"
"TOMMY," I SAID, "WOULDN'T RUSSELL GRANT AND TUBBY NOLAN, MAKE A GREAT PAIR OF
BOOKENDS?"
TOMMY THREW BACK HIS HEAD AND LAUGHED, WHICH AS ANY VET WILL TELL YOU,
IS QUITE UNUSUAL FOR A CAT!