The New Captain Of The SS.SDLP.

Welcome back kid. Kelly and Coyle, the Burke and Hare of the airways, did good. Both men played to their strengths. Kelly played interesting music and conducted probing interviews with people I have never heard of before. Coyle's contribution was a pot-smoking, drug-fueled orgy of,peace man,flowers in your hair,free love, flared trousers,hippy, happy drug feast.
Let me bring you up to speed with what happened in Nor'n Ireland while you were away.
There is a new, thrusting, swash-buckling captain aboard the SS SDLP.
His name is, Doctor Alasdair McDonnell. I know, I never heard of him either! Alasdair, or Big Al, as he likes to be called, has big plans for the party which made such a political break through with, the reality is!!!
"There are SDLP voters out there!" yelled big Al. "My job is to beat them out of the heather and bracken and back into the voting booths!"
"What about, WOMEN?" shrieked former leader, Margaret Richie.
"There will always be room in the SDLP for women!" roared big Al. "The reality is, someone has to make the tea."
"RESIGN!" yelled Alex Attwood, a man who does not take defeat lightly.
Now for news closer to home. Tommy my cat passed the cycling proficiency test last week. The instructor said Tommy negotiated the intricate maze of red cones like Tubby Nolan on the scent of a fish supper. As Tommy was cycling furiously home to tell me the good news, he was overcome with feline exhilaration, bordering on hysteria. Forgetting every thing he had learned, Tommy raised both hands high in the air and yelled, "TOP OF THE WORLD MA!"
Those who saw the accident say Tommy tumbled over the handle-bars and cut the whole face off himself on the unforgiving asphalt. At first I was furious, but it's hard to stay cross with a cat who is sitting glumly in the corner with two black eyes and missing a front tooth. To say Tommy looks like a cross between Dusty Springfield and Terry Thomas would be putting it mildly. Around Tommy's neck hangs a bib stating, NIL BY MOUTH!
OH the fun Tommy and I have with the tuna suppositories four times a day!
You should segue-way now into, "Stick your job where the sun don't shine!"